Juz opinions

What are the causes of juvenile delinquency?

2012-02-29T05:05:00.000-08:00

p.s This was actually my school assignment. We were asked to write an article on "What are the causes of Juvenile Delinquency" for our school magazine.

WHAT CAUSES

JUVENILE

DELINQUENCY?

Hello readers! How was your day lately? Busy? Stressed out? I guess that's why you chose to read awhile to calm your mind and relax. Meanwhile, let's look over nowadays issues. In today's society, it's not a surprise anymore to hear news such as '..10 years old kid kills both of his parents..' or '..17 years old kid were one of the bank robbers gang..' and many more. It's just getting worst and worst day by day. Before we're getting further, do you even know what is juvenile delinquency? Juvenile means criminal cases involving students below the age of 18 while delinquency refers to behavior such as rebelling, obligating, offending, or negligence. Juvenile cases could be heavy crimes such as murder, robbing, rape and so on. Scary isn't it? To know that kids in our age, as young as 18 and below could do such things. But that's the fact. In this modern age, kids or adults are no different from each other. Each and every person could be unexpected and cruel. Therefore, it is very hard to trust people nowadays. Agree?

Anyway, let's get back to the topic. What causes juvenile delinquency? Are you one of those who are worried and been wondering what are the factors that causes all this? Many believed that working parents are the major factor. This is because many researches had reported that most of the juveniles came from a family where both of their parents were a full time workers. This become a problem when parents didn't gave enough attention and affection for their kids for they were always busy with their careers. As a results, kids looked for attention and affection on the outside world. True, it is not wrong for parents to work their limit to looked for moneys to support the family, it's their major responsibilities. But what about love and affection? Take note that material can't buy a soul. We all need love! In this case, parents should learn and know how to balance their time with their family and careers in order to create a balance being while shaping their kids.

Peer pressure is also another famous factor that causes juvenile delinquency. We all know that friends has a large portion in our lives as a teenagers. It's like teenagers couldn't live a day without a friend by their side. Agree? Or maybe we can, but we just don't want to, right? This is because, we all believed that, 'No friends makes you bad'. We just couldn't take it living as a person that was isolated. We all hate isolation and bullies! Agree? However, some students manage to take it easy. True, we all need friends. But we need to care too who and what kind of friends we are choosing. Because, when you chose a wrong friend, instead of being protected and self secure, you could get screwed instead. This is because, a wrong friend may push you to do wrong things and threat you when don't want to do it. Anyway, we always do what our friends is doing right? We are models to each others. So when one of us smoke, chances that another 10 friends is doing the same within the next day is very big. We all should avoid this! We, as a teenagers and students have responsibilities to maintain a high standard of moralities and inspire each others not ruining our young lives. Always be reminded that we are the backbones of our own country and are the next generation rulers.

Another popular factors are the mass media. This is what I agree the most. Mass media has the biggest influence in our lives. Agree? Everyday, it's almost impossible if a teen didn't face the computers and web browsing or watching televisions. Day by day, it starting to becoming more vital in our lives. It has many good qualities, yes, but, we can't also deny the bad side of it. Many of the media content nowadays portrayed violence and improper images. No doubt, it has a big impact on the societies especially to teenagers. We all have idols aren't we? Idols inspires us and usually, we tend to imitate them. So when they smoke, and it looked cool to us, we might follow their footsteps. In order to avoid this, the mass media content should be filtered properly and proper actions should be taken unto those who are responsible in this.

In conclusions, it's everyone's responsibilities to prevent juvenile delinquency from getting worst. We should stop pointing unto each others of who is responsible and start to make steps in order to reduce this problem.

DON'T WATCH THIS!

2012-02-26T23:38:00.002-08:00

I know you'd ignore that WARNING SIGN. Haha.. anyway, just sharing some of my happy moments during school holidays last year(2011). Ignore me please, I get in there just so that the kids wants to finish the video. They say that I'm gonna do something horrible to the video so in order to let them believe that its just nothing, I had to be in there and dance with them. Yikes! Haha...

And I'd like to include another video in here. This video was taken on 2009 during my first outing with my bestie Clare, Sherlyn and Varrelene at Sandakan Complex. Sorry for the quality failure and the failure of the camera girl..xD She wasn't looking at the camera, she was looking at us. Haha...

Dancers-Varrelene(black shirt) and Beverly(white jacket)
Camera girl-Sherlyn
Audience-Clare

P.s Maybe its immature for me to post this for some people. But I don't see any wrong in sharing some of my happy moments with my beloved friends and family right? :)

Why we must take care of our health

2012-02-26T17:21:00.000-08:00

Greetings planet! I didn't use good day for it was a bad day for me. I didn't go to school today because my health is getting worse. And when I say worse it means real worse! worse like I would throw up with only just one cough! I really don't want to miss school because today's subject were all very important ones and real hard too. I don't wanna be left-out!

Anyway, back to the topic. First, let me tell you what push me to post this. I'm one of those kind of people who didn't put health as their priority in lives. I'm a workaholic. When it gets to work, the only thing that's on my mind is that, "Oh.. I have to finish this!". It doesn't matter what time I have my meal and sleep. But not a full time actually. I'm a kind of lazy person too. I'm More like the kind who just don't like to sit tight or lay all day unless I got no other options. If can, in every second of my life, I want to do something. May it be, hanging out, watching movies, talking, anything as long I'm not doing nothing.

The good thing about me is that, you can bring me to enjoy any kinds of activities. May it be outdoor activities(rough one) or indoor activities. The bad thing is, I will do it all without really considering my body stats. For example, you bring me to hike somewhere and I feel very tired for I just got home, yet, I would still follow you. Or maybe I was sick, I don't care cause my motto is, 'As long as I can stand, lets rock it!'. The only thing that matters is my will. When I want it to be that way, I'll work it to the limit to be the way I want it to be. When I say that I will finish all my homework within one day! Wooh... we got so many homework I tell you. Soooo many!!!! Too many that it would take more than 8 hours for one day homework to finish. So when you decided to finish it all, sometimes you will not sleep until the next morning and start off for school. Without sleep! Let me tell you my routine, usually, during school days, first thing I do is, I go to school. Then after school, often I got another activities, appointments, practice, or meeting. I would be home late nearly everyday. Then, I would always have something to do at home. After that, I'll start doing my homework until 3 a.m or more and sleep for like 2 hours or less. And the cycle goes on and on. I'm not complaining. I don't care cause I enjoy it all. But the thing is, my meal is not in order and my sleep cycle is abnormal. Though it's not a trouble for me to sleep for 3 to 2 hours everyday because I'm used to it I think but everyone can tell without a book that it's not healthy at all! And I'm sure that most of teenagers life nowadays are like this. Moreover the adults! Right?

At first, its okay to me and it never really even matters because my thought is, 'If I got sick, there's always the Hospital..:)'. The last hope. Not until today when I started to realize of how important it really is to take care of our body. My sickness start off with sneezing non stop and it happened last week. Soon, flu came in followed by fever. A weird one because the fever come and go. And this what makes it worse, when a flu hit, asthma would eventually follow up. Yet, through all this sicknesses, I still do all my routines as usual. Finally, last Saturday, I decided to go to a local Clinic because that morning, my mucus got blood. Plus, it's hard for me to breath! Well, here comes the asthma!!! (=.=") Anyway, usually, after drinking their medicine, I would started to get well but this time, it doesn't. At first, I think that maybe the medicine works slowly this time. I would be okay after I go to sleep. But apparently, I was wrong! On Sunday, I decided to be a cow, the most laziest person in the planet. It was under many people's advice's. They say that I need a lot of rest. This time, I decided to listen to their advice's. Fine, I'll sleep all day! But yesterday evening, when I woke up at 5.30 p.m I feel so breathless! My chest felt so tight! I lay down, trying to control my breath. Trying hard to relax. Soon, I felt choked up! My vision was starting to went black. I swear I'm dead by now if don't decide to do something. I don't know why my spirit felt so weak that time. Not the usual me. I think that I just wanna give in. I'd die.... suddenly! And luckily, my phone rang. It was a text message. Then my spirit started to raise. I remember all my beloved friends and families, I remember all that I'm yet to achieved. I gather all my strength and grabbed my cellphone and reply the text. I get up, drink some milo with bread and read an article that a dear friend of mine slipped under the door. But yet, I can't breath properly! Even as I read, my vision would sometimes went black. After I read it all, I lay back on my bed. Closing my eyes... I'm choked... I didn't breath... I think I'd die... Things started to went black... But I decided that I'm gonna do something! I get up, and decided to go to the Hospital, for good. I hate Hospital. I'm glad it's there but I don't like it. To me, Hospital is when you are going to die. When I arrived, I go straight to the emergency section and they quickly put up the oxygen on me. Great.... Now I do looked like I'm gonna die! After that, the Doctor checked me, weird.. no effect. Then he decided to put me to the oxygen again. 2nd round and no effect! Then, he inject something into my nerves and waited for 30 minutes then put me with the oxygen again and still, no effect at all ! That's how worse I was. Then the Doctor decided to run me into some tests and a nurse x-ray'ed me. Mysteriously, my lungs were all fine except for my backbones. Well, I don't wanna talk about it. My backbones are fine, but there's just something.

Anyway, why we must take of our health?

Well... firstly because we got only one body!
Unlike machine, once its broken down, we can still fix it. But our body? Once its broken down, then you're screwed for life!

Secondly, it affect the people around us...
Have you ever wondered of how much people around you loved you? Well... you might not realized it but its true! Especially your family. More over, when you got sick, it will burdened your family, physically, emotionally, and of course, financially. Just one you, could affect hundreds of people, can you believe that? You might don't care about yourself, like me. I'm not really scared to die so I guess that's why I don't really care about my health. But last night, I was touched by some of my friends and family members. How they are willing to come to the Hospital to see me no matter how far. How they are willing to not to sleep to take care of me. Some were dead worried. I don't know whether they are really worried and care or just acting worried and caring..:P But for sure, I'm sure they're sincere. 'Cause well, I don't have anything to give them other than my love. That's why, no matter how dying I feel, as long as I can smile and laugh, I'd do it for them. I felt real guilty when people are worried about me. Sometimes I'd say, "Why are you so worried? I'm not gonna die! LOL!" and then people would start slapping my mouth. last night, the Doctors said, "Please leave your phone, you'll need to rest." I said, "NO, I can't. I have to tell them that I'm fine. By the way, I am fine." and smiled. The Doctor said, "And you still can smile? Aren't you worried? Don't you see how worse you are right now?". I said, "Well, let my physical be sick, but not my soul. After all, I still can stand aren't I? And that means I'm still not gonna die tonight. So I don't want anyone to did not sleep tonight and fuse over me. Anyway, I trust in you Doctor." and smiled.

But aren't you feel bad when 10 people can't sleep just because of 1 you? Especially to parents out there! No matter how hard you worked for the family, please look after your health. Money would lose, yes, but they can be regained. But you? Once they lose you, then there can never be you again.

Word of strength

Sometimes, life takes you on a detour.

Use these times to see things you would have missed

had you remained on your planned route.

You may find it to be among the best

parts of your journey.

What is the benefit of being in convent school

2012-02-22T05:40:00.001-08:00

Good day earthlings! Today, I would like to bring the topic of "What is the benefit of being in Convent school".

As far as I'm concerned, about 70% student's don't want to be in convent school. Once, a friend says to me, "Oh... you're in convent school? How terrible!". When she says this, I don't know how to respond.LOL. I don't know whether to agree or to fight back. Well, before that, let me tell a bit about my school. My school's name is SMK St.Cecilia Convent. It was located in a town namely Sandakan which is in Sabah, Malaysia. My school was one of the only two convent school in this town. The other one is SMK Perempuan.

Now, let me tell what cause me to bring up this topic. Lately, me and one of my best friend, Varrelene been talking about moving school. She tells me of how she misses of being in mixed school. Yeah, me too, I miss the atmosphere should I say A LOT! I remember years back, man, I even cry when my mum decided to put me in convent school. I feel like my world just fall apart! Until I even decided that I wanted to stop schooling! Yeah, we broke into a fight as we always do. I even remember my sobbing face going into the Principal room with my mum to sign me in.

What makes it so bad being in convent school? Well, I always heard rumors that convent school is full of lesbian. Some says the student in convent school were rude and bullies. Grr... it creeps me out! I'm so scared.. and sad! On my first day in school, I was totally in culture shock! The atmosphere were all new to me. The people... the way they behave.. and I still even remember that I can't even find the toilet! I'm scared to ask. I found the toilet on March which is the third month of me being there. It feels so weird not seeing the boys around playing and laughing teasing the girls. For months, I live my life questioning God of why the heck did He put me in there? Is this His ways of punishing me? I still remember of how hard it is for me to make friends and how difficult it is for me to accept the culture in there. But God has His own plans for me. When I discovered this, I really praise God for putting me in there.

God wants me to change my way. In here, I learn a lot about Christianity and I got a chance to serve in Church ministry. By being in here, I also manage to scrape my ego and learn to respect my friends. I still remember my Diva life when I was in elementary school where I can do whatever I like on my friends like they were some slave or what. I shout at them and tell them to do this and that. I can chose who to be my friends and who shall be isolated. I don't really know why do they listen to me. Maybe its because I'm a top student or maybe they are scared of me? I don't know. Anyway, in my high school, I cannot do that. In here, everyone treats each other like friends though they are top students or not, pretty or not, rich or not, everyone were treated in the same level. The only thing that matters is attitude. If you respect them, they will do the same for you, as simple as that.

On my second year of being in the convent school, I started to notice the benefit of it. Here are they...

1.I'm free to wear what I like!
Doesn't mean that I can wear whatever outfit I like to school. Of course we wear uniform like what normal students in Malaysia should. What I'm trying to say is, in my school, I wouldn't have to care much of how did my uniform looked like. Ironed or not, or even short! Sometimes, some students didn't even buttoned their uniform properly or some didn't even zipped their uniform! And the good thing is that, no one cares!

Me in pinafore(school uniform)

Sometimes we forgot to wear singlet to school but it never was a big matter! Of course, it is against the rules, but apart from that, we got nothing else to worry about. My pinafore is above my knees, which is considered shorts but I still wear them. I've been wearing it for almost four years now. Well, who cares? Yes, of course I'll get trouble if I get caught by the discipline teacher but well... Of course, there are male teachers exists, but there were only few of them.

If in mixed schools, the first thing that normal girls would think of before they wear anything is that, "Umm... Do I look good? Will I get teased by the boys later?" or, "Am I attractive or look beautiful in this?". Well... normal actions. In here, well yeah... whatever, as long as I'm not wearing my birthday suite, lets rock the school!

2. Less conflict
This is what I adore the most in convent school. I still remember when I was in elementary school, the 'He, She' conflict is very famous and eventually would always be the hottest topic of the day. I miss it though but you wouldn't imagine of how wonderful and peaceful life is without it. If its already like that in elementary, imagine how worst it would be in high schools. Everyday, "You know what.. he... bla.. bla.. bla.. bla.... and she... bla... bla....". Well, we did talk about this in school but it is different. We did talk about boys but usually it'll be more positive. Its hard to explain but its just different. By the way, what I noticed is that, since we know boys from outside, most of the them were different people. She talk about him and she talk about the other him. Mostly, the names we heard were very random as we heard it everyday but we usually never see the person in person. So, it is kinda hard for things like two persons liking the same person to happen. It does happen but in a very few cases.

3. We can be ourselves!
I still remember of how I controlled my self much when I was in mixed school. The way I'm talking,the way I'm behaving and the way I'm dressing, everything counts! But in here, since we got nobody to impress, well yeah! I never really have to worry about my hair, of how loud I'm laughing and so on. I wouldn't even have to worry of how the way I'm sitting! Polite or not, well.... What I notice also is that, when we were outside of the school, we looked so matured and often mistaken as an adult. But when we were in the school, well, you can see a whole bunch of kindergarten but in bigger size. LOL. We are ourselves. We never have to worry about judgement from people cause we're all the same, we are what we are.

And lastly is that we appreciate boys more...
Girls and boys is often like cats and dogs and this we know. Everyday, the boys would always pissed the girls. And whenever the girls had a chance, they would also do the same. But girls, when the boys are finally not around, you'll realize of how lonely the world is. Yes, girls friends are fun, of course maa... But the fun you'll have with the boys is different. Trust me, you'll miss their annoying joke. Of course I'm still pissed if they tease me, but yet, its something that you'll miss. So whenever we got a chance to be with boys, we are more happy than it is when see them everyday.

So convent girls... be positive! Being in convent school is not really that bad like what they said. Lesbian? Of course they're around but don't think in mixed schools they don't exist! By the way, I don't really saw lesbians in my school though..o.O Maybe its because I never paid any attention to such case. Keep in mind that, whatever happens, It was all depending on you.

What is the purpose of life?

2012-02-20T03:45:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been wondering, what is the purpose of life? Is it merely to just to enjoy everything? To be successful and well known to the entire face of the earth? Some say "To Live Is to Love". Really? Is it all about love?

Everyone has a vary perspective on life. Some agree with that and some argue with this. That's human... sometimes even the simplest thing in the world could cause issues just because the differences of perspectives. Why did this happen? It happen because we all wanted to be listened not listening. Once, people invent the motto, "Voice out" to encourage people to speak their ideas. But the mistake is, when everyone is speaking, then who will listen?

Okay, get back to the topic, what is the purpose of life? We all understands that life has to be meaningful. Something that couldn't be wasted and something that only can we have once. It's something that couldn't be revised.

I'd like to believe that, human is the most lucky living creature in the entire universe. Why? Because, only human was given a chance by God to choose. To think on their own and to make decisions. Jesus died on the cross for human sins not cat's sins. Human is the only creature that is given a chance to repent. We sinned a lot of times but still be forgiven when we repent. How lucky we are?

I believe that we live to learn something. There's something from within that we are yet to learn. Something meaningful. I also believe that it's different for each person. I imagined life as an exam or a treasure hunt where we, human, are searching here and there, up and down for the light of the truth. Some succeed, some stumbled in the middle. It's a dark maze, messy, twisty, and rough. Some succeed and win the battle because of faith while the others fail themselves.

I still think that I'm lost. But I already got someone walking beside me telling me where I should go and that person is Jesus. "have faith in Him and you shall find the way.."

Sincerely.....

2012-02-15T02:57:00.000-08:00

"If the hero never comes to you

If you need someone you're feeling blue

If you're away from love and you're alone

If you call your friends and nobody's home

You can run away but you can't hide

Through a storm and a lonely night

Then I show there's a destiny

The best things in life

They're free...

But if you wanna cry

Cry on my shoulder

If you need someone who cares for you

If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder

I'll show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey..

Let me know...

There's a place in heaven where we'll go

If heaven is a million years away

Just call me and I make your day

When the nights are getting cold and blue

When the days are getting hard for you

I will always stay here by your side

I promise you I'll never hide..."

Texting versus calling

2012-02-13T06:37:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been wondering of which one is better? Texting or calling? I never thought of it much before until I met a friend who really have trouble talking on the phone especially to girls. There's my friend, he'd been asking my number once. The first weird thing that I noticed is that, after he asked for my number he didn't call afterwards. What he do? He texted a month after he asked for my number. LOL. Usually, after we asked for a number, we would call to confirm whether we've been given the right number or not right?

Soon after that, we've been living a friendship through text messages for like the whole time. It's a another weird thing for me because I never had a textmate before who never even once tried to call me after such a long friendship through text messages. Texting is good, I like it, but for once in a while, a call sometimes is needed even for just 5 minutes in once a month. Why? To confirm that we are talking to human. LOL. A girl or a boy, everyone I had heard their voice except for this one friend. I've been waiting for his call, sometimes, I feel like calling but of course, its not appropriate for a girl to call a guy. It could be misinterpreted as something else. Anyway, after a while, I find it was comfortable talking to him about anything through text messages. I feel like he was my bestfriend until one day, when we decided to hangout, I hear his voice for the first time(over the phone). I was surprised of what a stranger he was! The tone of his voice was so far from what I thought it was supposed to be! And to tell the truth, it kinda scared me. Not soon after that, I finally asked him of why he never called? Just then I know that he don't like calling. He have trouble talking over the phone because he fear that he don't know what to say. When he told me this, I was like, "okayy..." and looked over the ceiling. LOL. Is there such things? To me that time, if you have a voice and you can speak, then why should it be such a trouble to talk over the phone? After all, its just talking. So I made a survey over my friends and made some researches and yes, there are such things.

I always encouraged him to call his girlfriend if he really wish to reduce the awkwardness between the two of them. Living a relationship through text messages is sweet, yes, but if you live your life receiving text, then reply and so on the whole day everyday, then it's almost the same with dating a machine. You are dating the cellphone not the human. You need to hear the person's voice and if can, meet and hangout to remind you that you are with a human being not some generated robot who is emotionless. Take this illustration, reading a novel versus watching movies, which is more alive? When you read a novel, it is not really straight forward because the messages isn't really vivid though it explained everything(literally) because every person have a vary imagination. Unlike movies, everything is really vivid. The situation+sound+emotion all in one clear message.

My opinion is that, texting is important to make the relationship going while calling is important to make the relationship alive. Both needed to be balanced.

Anyway, in this post, I'd like to include 7 reasons of why text messages is better than phone call...

1) Because you can actually think about what you’re going to say.
Hand me a telephone, and I will say something stupid into it. Hand me a telephone with someone I like on the other end, and I will say something really stupid.

With a text, you can plan, and yes, even revise.

2) Because phone calls can be painfully awkward.
Even if you have perfect elocution, a great speaking voice, and fantastic oratorical skills, factors such as poor cell-phone reception or other interruptions (another call, an ambulance driving by, a barking dog) can lead to uncomfortable interruptions. There’s nothing worse than speaking to someone on the phone for the first time and having to continually say “Wait–what? Sorry, can you hear me? Wait, hold on, walking by construction site…” over and over.

3) Because a good text message will say a lot about a person.
A perfect text message requires wit, brevity, and flirtation. A good texter is smart, sharp, and good with words. Additionally, someone who uses unnecessary text abbreviations, or, god help him, emoticons is immediately ruled out as a potential love interest.

4) Because texting can be great foreplay.
It’s a prolonged flirtation that can span the course of the week or day leading up to a date.

5) Because there is nothing sexy about a perfunctory “let’s set up a date” call.

Sure, a phone call is “to the point”, and on a purely utilitarian level more efficient than texting when it comes to making plans. But are you really looking for “efficiency” in your dating life? You call to quickly make an appointment with your dentist, not with your date.

6) Because a text lets you write what you’re too shy to say.

Sometimes, especially during the early stages of dating, it can be hard to straight out say the things you’re feeling, especially if you’re unsure of how it will be reciprocated. A “You looked beautiful last night” or “I had an amazing time with you” the next morning is a safe (and always appreciated!) way of doing this.

7) Because a text is forever.
I usually don’t swoon at phone calls, but if I get an excellently crafted text, I will save that thing forever, and pull it up and read it again and again.

Even so, I still think that phone call is still needed. That's my opinions. What's yours?

*copied from the date report

Anyway, I wish you all...

In advance.... cheers! :)

I'm lost... I think

2012-02-11T02:49:00.000-08:00

Ohh... how I miss blogging! My life these days are so packed that it doesn't allows me to have a lil time even just for sleep! Huh!

I felt a lot like the illustration. Like something lost in the middle of the desert of Sahara because it wanted to. I wanted to look for a way but are too scared to get back on the path. I wasn't scared of the obstacles, but actually I fear that I can't tolerate with the people on my way. So, instead of wondering around looking for a way, I sat on a stone waiting for I don't know what. Of course, being in the desert wasn't easy. The heat... and of course it doesn't felt right to be lost especially when you know it. So now, basically I don't know what I'm thinking, what I'm doing, and what's going on! I can't define what status I'm currently in! Am I mad? Am I sad? Am I happy? or what??? When I tried to think deeply about what's actually inside of me, I found that I seem to be mad, sad, scared but somehow happy. Its a weird mixture! Am I in love? Well... maybe I'm missing someone that I couldn't reach. Its so sad to think back all the mistakes that I made. There's too much of them.

Yes, I have to be strong. Wherever I go, seeking for advice's, one would say, "Be strong girl, no ones perfect. Everyone had made mistakes. That's what makes human.". If that's what makes human, I don't know what to think. Because I know, I'm one of those people who always longed for perfection and couldn't live a day without correcting the mistakes.

What kind of mistakes? Well, it is for me to keep. Some people know it, some don't. They were scattered unto different people like pieces of puzzles. Though its been bad and rough, God is good. He still give me joy through a lot of sources. He give me strength and guidance and He never left me even just for a second!

I can, and I'm sure I know how to make things right. But yet, there's a lot of sacrifices to be made. Am I ready? I'm not sure. I am ready when I get up from that stone and start looking for a way.

A weird nightmare

2012-01-28T02:43:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a weird dream. Eh, it wasn't last night.. hehe... it was yesterday night actually. It was pretty vivid but it wasn't a lucid dream. Anyways, it started like this...

I found myself was walking on the house compound. I looked at the house, its a wooden house. It was big like a bungalow. I looked around, the compound was breathtaking. There were flowers everywhere. Roses, orchids, tulips, all in different colors. I looked at my self, I looked slightly different. I touched my hair, they also felt different. I don't know why but all I know is that I want to water the flowers.

With a slow pace, I get to the side of the house to get a hose. I turned it on, and started watering everything. Hahh... it's what I always wanna do... I feel so peaceful inside. But there's something, I feel a bit, slightly heartbroken. Its like something was not right. I looked around, all the flowers.... the mountains... the sky... the house... what could go wrong?

It was dusk. The twilight hit the house with a wonderful and very peaceful light. I walked towards the house, all I know is that, I own that house. The weird thing is, half of me felt happy with what I've accomplished. Its like what I have now is a dream coming true. But yet, half of me felt heavy as I walked. Something's missing.

I looked up before I entered the house. I saw a man in his late thirties at the balcony. He wasn't really that handsome, but he has a figure. He wasn't muscular, not fat, just normal. It was weird, when a girl like me, 15, looking at a guy at this age, the first thought would be, he must be my uncle. But this is different, I felt a deep love with this man. A romantic kind of love. Eww? Haha... to me that time, it wasn't. But when I wake up, YES! LOL. Anyway, in me, there's something. Something that's not good. Hate? No, not really. Heartbroken? I'm not sure. He looked at me, a cold look.

I get into the house, heading upstairs, to my room. When I get to the upper floor, the man I saw on the balcony walked into the house. He walked past me, I felt a really deep love for the guy, in fact, I feel like hugging him! Chill out girls, it wasn't Vin Diesel.. haha..But yet, its different, he's cold. The way he looked at me, I know he loves me too, but he too, felt cold with me. It's like we've just been into a fight. A heavy one but not physical of course. Anyway, he was heading downstairs. Kitchen probably.

I walked inside my room, it was pretty big, a master bedroom with king size bed. The room looked a lot like a first class hotel. I started for the wardrobe, took a robe and head for the shower. Inside the shower, I kept thinking, who's the guy? What had happened? And why am I even here? Suddenly, snap! I know that I was dreaming! Yeah... Its time to make some magic. But no, this time its different. I don't feel like I want to have a lucid dream. I don't want to change the guy into Vin Diesel, change the scene into a wonderful romantic waterfall or anything. I know that I was dreaming but since everything felt so real, I decided to continue the weirdness of it. Cause it felt so right, but yet so wrong. LOL. Anyway, I was determined to make things right with the guy. I felt a very deep connection with him.

I looked into the giant mirror inside my wardrobe, I was a bit shocked! Guess what? I'm old! Yaih...! But I also felt a familiarity with it. It seems like I'm already used to it. I looked like I'm in my late thirties. Anyway, I wore a sleeping robe and head downstairs. At the stairs, I saw I giant framed picture of me and someone who supposedly my husband. It was a wedding picture. I looked young, younger than what I see my self now. I looked happy in it. It seems like I was 27 something in that picture. And the guy was the guy at the balcony. Then a thought struck me! Ring! I looked at my fingers. There it is, funny I didn't notice it all this while. I took it out and look for the name who supposedly to be carved inside the ring. There's the name... Beverly love (.....). I like to keep the name private.. :)

Now I know that he was actually my husband. That explains why I felt a very deep love with him. I went quickly downstairs, hoping to see him there. I looked around the living room. Nope, he's not there. I went to the kitchen, not there either. I went out, went to the back, and there he is, sipping his wine looking over the shimmering swimming pool. I looked at his fingers, like I expected, he wore the same ring as I do. I went to him, he won't even looked at me. Ow... that's cold. I just stand there, hoping that he would say something. I need root, I'm blank, how the heck would I say something? He finally make a move. He took a glass, pour some wine in it and hand it to me. With a cold face :P

I took the wine, sat next to him, working something on my mind. I finally make a sound, the first time I hear my own voice. It sounds slightly different. I said, "Have you had your dinner?".

He said, "No."

Spontaneously I said, "Well, lets go out and have some."

He doesn't say anything. Five minutes and no response. I was pissed. I put the wine on the table and head to my room.

I wait for him in the room. I can't sleep. I was really pissed but yet I still wanted to make things right. That's it! That's my mission. To win his heart back. After like supposedly three hours of waiting and fighting with my feelings, he finally came in and lay beside me. Furious, I said in a loud voice, "Should we talk about this?"

He said, "What is it to talk about?"

Suddenly, I felt like I know what was happening. I said in an angry but cool tone, "You still love her do you?"

He said calmly, "I told you what I told you."

"Stop lying to me! You shouldn't come to me after you break up with her that day. I knew it, you was heartbroken aren't you? You just don't want to be alone! You didn't love me! You didn't! I knew it, I was no more than your best friend whom you seek for when you're down aren't I?"

Silence....

I added, "We shouldn't get married..." with a slower voice. I found myself crying. I could feel warm tears flowing from my eyes. Trust me, it does felt real. Too real to be a dream. I was really heartbroken. It really feels like a real experience even to this day.

He want's to say something. "Yes...."

Suddenly everything went black. Damn, I woke up! My phone rings. Someone was calling. It was my mum, calling to remind me to pack up cause I was going back to Sandakan that evening.

Weird... I felt like shit that I didn't get to finish my dream. But yet, I'm glad that it ended. It was a nightmare. Though I didn't get to hear what he was trying to say, but I know, it was something that could tear me into millions of pieces. Though I was really heartbroken, I don't want to lose him.

Weird+creepy+amazing isn't it? Weird because its just weird. LOL. Creepy, cause I'm old+married. Amazing? Well... not everyone got to experience this right? I mean, married? For real? Haha... It really motivated me a lot.

I do get a conclusions to this dream. I mean the meaning behind it. But, I'd rather to keep it personal :)

The Four#3: Beverly

2012-01-26T11:12:00.000-08:00

Click.... click....

Hmm... what a boring night... "....and every night was the worst night ever..." said the Simple Plan. I arranged my headset, its been hours I sit in front of my lap top doing useless crap.

I look at my bookmarks. I click, blogger dashboard... stats... overview.... Impressive... I thought. I click the new post button.

5 minutes passed and I found my self still staring at the monitor. Blank. Hmm.... what topic?

My eyes eyeing the tabs... facebook... facebook? Duh... what a boring place. But I found my self clicking the tab. Notifications, 7... online chats, 81. I click the notifications, Jessie also commented on Lily's... Andy like you photo... Jenny poked you... and the others were game requests. I click the online chats friends. No one was online on the special friends list. Duh.... what should I do next?

I found my self scrolling down dozens lists of unknowns. They've been my friends in here for so long but none of them I really know. What a waste... I thought to myself.

Andy...
Emmet...
Genevi...
....
....
....

None of them were really my friends.

Jason...
Jazzezie...
Kem Siput...
Kent...

Hmm.... Kent? Sounds familiar. Where did I hear that name? Something random? No, not really... It comes from something kinda important.. What? From who did I heard that name? Think Bev... Think!

I look at his picture, its a picture of cat playing an electric guitar. Soon, I'm already at his profile. Digging deeper... I look at the pictures. Eyeing the peoples.. unknown... I thought. I look at his statuses, reading the comments. Some comments were from the unknowns but some were my classmates. They seem to be pretty close with the guy. Somehow.... I don't know who he is!

I lay my back. Resting... with a frown. Where did I hear his name? I look at his picture, trying to recall on what occasion could I've met this guy. Who could have been there. Hmm...

Suddenly, a flash came to my mind. The clearest in my memory was Varrelene. We were all laughing. We're teasing someone. I remember Varrelene saying, "Oops, lets not tease her, we might get killed by daddy Kent.. hahaha!!". We were all so happy.

Okay, I'm almost there... Think harder... who are we teasing?

Then, another flash, a notebook. I found the notebook inside someone's drawer. I opened it and saw a family chart. And bang! There it is, Kent was in the chart and his partner was Clare! When Clare saw me, she quickly grabbed the notebook. But she was late. I get to read everything she writes on every corner. I started teasing her and Varrelene saw what was happening. I told Varrelene that Clare got secret inside the notebook she's holding and we both started to chase her. I told Varrelene what I read anyway and we all started to joke around happily. Clare wasn't really offended, just blushed. Days after that, we tried to make Clare to admit that she loves the guy and finally she did. But that was two years ago.

I smiled... Hah... good times..

I click his name on the list and type, "Hi...".

He replied, "Hey there... :)"

"wassup?"

We chat for minutes and I finally said.

"Do you happen to know Clare?"

"Yeah... I know the girl. Why?"

I went on telling him what happened two years ago. He seemed cool. Who cares anyway? that was two years ago... I thought.

I checked the online lists again. Clare!

I quickly clicked her name.

"Hey, I just chatted with Kent and I mention you!"

I waited.... No response... I add again.

"Hello???? Anybody there?"

Still.. No response.

"Geez... where r u?", "Testing.....", "1", "2", "3...."

I look at her signal. Still green. Hmm... what's wrong with her? Is she mad??.. Finally, I said

"Okay, you're not there so we talked about this tomorrow K..." , "Goodnight and have a beautiful nightmare!".

I 'X' Clare's chatbox and click the lists again. Sherlyn was online. Its such a boring night. Hmm... arh... just share lah about Vin Diesel to her. I greet her and share a link to Vin's page. Though she doesn't seem to care but so what? It's not a pain trying to share anyway wasn't it? 5 minutes after that I go offline.

Sleep time....

*********************************

Shit... where the heck is the bus?

Though its still 6.15 am, I'm already worried. At this hour, most buses would be full and I hate it. As I wait, my minds rear...

What's wrong with Clare last night? She never act that way to me before. Was she mad? Why? What did I do? I tried to recall my conversation with Kent last night. It was nothing so why the heck would someone get mad about it? Did I intrude her privacy? But that was two years ago! LOL.. She's crazy if she does. And Sherlyn? She didn't reply me either. Shit, was everyone was having a bad day? Hey, I'm having a bad day either and didn't ignore anybody. What's wrong with them? I remembered the text message I received last night. It was an unknown number. I almost breakdown when I read them but I managed to control myself. It says---

'Tititt!! titiitt!!!"

My thought end there. Here comes the bus....

********************************

Who the heck leave rubbish on my table! Ughh!

"Hi Bev...." I look up, Sally was there.

"Morning Sal.." and I smiled.

Then Sherlyn came. "Hey Bev... I'm late."

"Yeah, I can see that.. why?"

She went on explaining what happened. I saw Clare, she's late too.

"Kringggg!!" The bell rings.

Clare give a sly smile when I smiled to her. Hmm... that's cold.. She went out immediately after she drop her bag on her seat. I waited for Sherlyn and we went to the hall together.

As we walked, I asked her about the link I gave her last night and went on telling story about Vin. Obviously, she really wasn't interested. Clare was walking in front of me, I really need to talk to her. Now!

I run towards her. I put my arms on her shoulder and give her a warm greetings.

"Happy Monday Clare.. Where were you last night?"

"Oh yes, I'm sorry that I didn't get to reply you last night. I was sneaking cause I want to send a message to Leela." She said.

"Oh really? What message?"

"Just a message." She smiled to me.

"Okay... private I see. Hey, are you mad at me?"

"Huh? about what?"

"Last night......

To be continued........

Previously...
The Four#1: Clare's point of view
The Four#2: Sherlyn's point of view

This story was a total made up so don't freak out okay :)

Can a boy and a girl be just friends?

2012-01-23T04:04:00.000-08:00

Many asks, can a boy and a girl be just friends? In my opinions, definitely, NO. Being just bestfriends? That's bullshit. No matter how you pretend, sooner or later, one must fall in love into another. Its just time who will decide how soon you will notice what you actually feel for the person.

Being close with the other sex is like playing with fire. You are daring yourself to love the person. Though at first you think its impossible that you could be in love with the person for in your opinion, he/she is only a nice friend. It could actually turn your life into a real deep shit when you find out that you were in love with the person. Especially when the person already had someone special in their heart while you were there stuck in between your feelings and your friendship. When you came to this, you had to decide, which one to lose? If you choose to confess, you could lose your wonderful friendship while if you choose your friendship, you had to be ready to bleed your heart every single day. Bad isn't it?

Some doesn't believe this. They said, "we've been friends for years and there's nothing came between us." Yeah, I believe you. For some people, its kinda slow for them to notice their feelings. Factors? maybe you saw the person everyday? You never lose contact with him/her and the person seems to be always there for you. But, take that you suddenly didn't see the person for like few weeks or months. The person just suddenly poof! If you are a girl and your bestfriend was a girl, you'll find it'll be much easier to let go. But take that if you are a girl, and your bestfriend was a boy, you'll find that you'll gonna miss him like hell. When this happens, notice that, you are in love.

I'm not saying that having a bestfriend from the opposite sex is a bad thing to do. Yes, I know, for girls they like to have a guy bestfriend because they were understanding, easy going and not emotional. When you need friend to be harsh and rude, a guy is a good place to do it. Its something that you just can't do with a girl bestfriend for they'll remember every single thing and words you said that hurt them. And its something you can't do either with your boyfriend for they'll take it as you're trying to break up with him. Complicated isn't it? Well... that's life.

Still, many like to do some stunts. They say, "we're just friends". But I got plenty of proofs from the experiences of the people around me who once said that they're "just bestfriends" but none seemed to end up as a "BFF(Best Friend Forever)". They end up as a couple, married or enemy. The once upon a time the most wonderful friendship suddenly became the coldest. Even colder than Antarctica that even the inferno can't break the ice.

Practically, I'm not really sure what we can actually do in order to prevent this. The only way is to pray. Just leave it all to God. He'll know what to do... Amen...

Inspiring...

Find strength in your hectic life

2012-01-15T07:34:00.000-08:00

Hey there! It's been busy these days... Just as the school reopened, tons of work came rushing in! Fuhh... But I'm not complaining. Instead, I'm quiet happy with it!

See that face? Yep... That's what I wear everyday. Trying to smile even though there were so much unexplained pain and thoughts+all the works, but yet, I'm so happy with this life. Knowing that there's still people who will support me and will be there whenever I need them. I just need to ask! Well.. that's my problem. Sometimes, I tend to do things on my own as though there's no one to turned to where actually everyone was there for me! Sometimes, it makes me think,"Oh God... what am I trying to prove? That I can do everything on my own?" where the truth is, you can't do it all on your own! That's why God created Eve in the first place, because He don't want Adam to be alone. He knows, that its not good to be alone. Same goes to us! God doesn't like us to be alone. So, lets make use of every blessings that had been given to us! Don't waste anything even if its just one tiny bit because everything that had been given to us was given for a reason and they are really useful... believe me.

By the way, I'd like it more to be busy than bored. When you are busy, you learn so much thing and most of it you learn all at once. Whereas during boring days, where all you do is sit around imagining.. Grr... I could get a migraine because of that. It makes me feel like I could commit suicide in any second..LOL. I'm a think-too-much kind of person. That's why, my mood could easily changed and I could easily get depressed. Usually, my kind of people always wants a vivid vision for everything. That's why, it seems like all the times we always wants answers for everything. Not only that, it need to be very clear too. If not, we couldn't sleep thinking about it the whole night!

Anyway, since its a new year... I know everyone is busy. Some get stressed already... My advice is, no matter how hectic your life is, squeeze some moments with God. Pray.... ask and you will receive.. That's His promise...:)

Words of strength

Do you ever find yourself lonely? In the need of a friend to

talk to and no one can be found? There's One who's

been waiting to hear from you... Jesus.

My Dilemma

2012-01-12T02:18:00.000-08:00

"You make me so upset sometimes

I feel like I could lose my mind

The conversation goes nowhere

'Cause you're never gonna take me there

And I know what I know

I know you're no good for me

And I know it's not meant to be

Here's my dilemma

When half of me wants you

And the other half wants to forget

From the moment I met you

I just can't get you out of my head

I tell myself to run from you

But I found myself attracted to you..

I could live without you

Your smile

Your eyes

I could live without you

But I don't wanna..

When we are together

We can do whatever

Be whoever we like

Spend the weekend

And I hope you don't mind

If you stay by my side..."

My top 5 favorite remixes!

2012-01-11T03:15:00.000-08:00

Time to get a lil deeper into knowing me..^^.. For your information I love techno and electro music a lot! So remixes is a sure thing to hear! Reasons? Well... do I really need reasons for that? Haha.. well it makes me forget all my problems and could instantly boost out my happiness!

Below are lists of my top 5 favorite remixes... Though they are not really my most 'favorite' remixes, I just drop some that cross my mind...^^

Starting with my most favorite song of course... DANZA KUDURO!!!

2nd

3rd

4th

5th

Enjoy! And I'd like to share with you all my favorite remix download site...
http://electrohouse.ucoz.com/

Looking into the mirror...

2012-01-09T22:30:00.000-08:00

Lately, it seems like the only words that can came out of my mouth is that.."I'm tired.....". Yes... I'm tired of my self... With everything going on(deep breaths)...Hahhh.... I'm tired... Just tired...

I remember the first person that I tell my problem to.. It was 2th of January when I get back to Sandakan. Things starts hitting me one by one just as I arrived home. Since I got no one to talk to, and since I was texting to a friend, I blurted out everything that was going on. Guess how S'he responds... It broked my heart... Its like S'he doesn't even care! S'he just continued S'hi's so called interesting and nonsense stories(S'he think) like I was saying nothing!

Its so hard when you got no one to turn to when things hit you all at once. The person you hoped would care and the person whom you hoped will soothe you when things get rough turned their back just as you're about to fall.

Now, when I looked in the mirror, I can see the girl in it saying to me "you're pathetic..". I started to hate my self. I care for these people so much.. I help them.. I'm always there when things get rough(I think) but them in return, won't even lend me a second and a pair of ears to just to listen to me! That's what I need! Someone to listen to me and someone who'll understand! I might be somebody, but its still a pity to know that I am nobody in anybody's heart.

I know... just who am I right? But did I ever counted all the pains they caused to me? No! I just kept it all in me. Everything is inside me and I got no one to share my 'pain' with. Maybe I did, but maybe I just don't trust them. Or maybe I had shared it but they just doesn't seem to care. I listen to them, I think for them.. I tried to help solving their issues... But why? Why can't just any of them... Just one... Willing to do the same for me?

But without knowing it, someone does care. Someone is watching but I never realized it. Never even thought that there are still few's(who remember) who read my blog. Thanks though.. You read it... Then you are listening...

A friend that I walked with from school today suddenly said to me, "In class before, I saw pain behind your smile.. are you okay?"(summarized). Aww.. isn't that the sweetest thing? When even my bestfriend who was sitting beside me didn't notice, someone did saw it from across the room! I asked her, "how did you know what I was thinking?"... She said, "you told me yesterday about this and that... I understand..". What a miracle! I Praise the Lord for letting me know that there are people who still care and watching me..Amen.

But yet... I'm tired... Not tired of all the homework's or activities, but tired of the battles inside me. I don't know when will it stop but the truth is... I'm tired... Just tired...

("S'he" is a code I used to hide the person's genre.)

The truth about people:Whats inside

2012-01-08T06:50:00.000-08:00

What is the Church?

2012-01-08T02:20:00.000-08:00

The secrets behind my Initial

2012-01-05T04:04:00.000-08:00

I'm just bored... So I decided to do a little research. I found a website where it explains the secrets behind the initial of names. I know that its not true, but I decided that paying a visit won't hurt right? My initial is 'B' for Beverly and here's the story behind it....

"B",the second letter of the alphabet, is not a particularly strong letter. The bearer of this letter in their name is more easily influenced by others. They tend to be very emotional even though they want the best for everyone.

People with “B’s” in their name are sympathetic, friendly, and hospitable. They can make you feel as if you have just come home with their love of domesticity. Peace and quiet is something they have to have in order to recharge their batteries.

A woman with the “B” in her name tends to mother everyone and everything. Submissively, she allows others to make choices so that she can make them feel better about themselves. This is not the martyr quality though. It is done with genuine enthusiasm.

Males with that letter in their name have a great love of nature. Getting back to the country is their dream.

With a strong dislike for being alone, both males and females with this letter in their name, have a great need for marriage or partnership.

“B” people are easily excitable. They can be emotional and high strung. Some may even have inflexible opinions showing their firm belief structure. Tending to think in either black or white, they don’t change their views easily.

Like scales trying to find a healthy balance, they rarely do. The trouble “B” personalities have is that they tend to think they are balanced. Since they feel stable they are sure they have the good of all at heart.

A negative “B” can be very selfish; out for all they can get. These people are totally absorbed with themselves and don’t want to hear about others’ problems. If you go to them as a friend with a problem, their problem will be worse than yours. Not only will they not have time for your problem but they will take the time you needed from them to discuss their own problem.

“B’s” can be greedy on occasion. Totally possessive, they need all their loved ones attention.

Via "Destiny Numbers"

And I had to confess that what it said was all true.. LOL.. I'm not saying it because I believe it, but its because I know that it really hits me when I read it! Hahaha... wanna try yours? Just click here.

What's in my heart..

2012-01-05T00:35:00.000-08:00

Aww... cute right? Through centuries, love had puzzled human. We had used so many creative ways to try to express what love is like. May it be through paintings, writing, photography, crafts and many more. Human is just so lucky to have a chance to had this feelings. But yet, we often misused this wonderful gift from the Almighty. How did we misused it? Do I really need to explain that? We all know what I'm talking about right? If you really don't know, don't think twice to hit the comment space and I'll make another post just for you.^^

"Lately I'm confused of my self. I can't really discuss what it is about, but that's all I know. Deep in me, I feel cold inside. Just as my mind tried to think about what I'm actually feeling, I would suddenly have a deep feelings of sadness in me which I couldn't really explain what and why...

I can't really discuss it with my friends though cause I know its not really a happy topic. Anyway, if I do tell them, I know what would they tell me, "Just don't think about it, you'll get over it very soon...". I know, and that's what I'm trying to do. But its just so hard... I've been keeping it all within me, this blog, and my diary but yet, it seems not enough! It can never be enough...

Heck, I don't even sure what I've been thinking lately... I don't even dare to hit that part of my brain cause my heart would suddenly respond without giving my brain a clue of what is it my heart is trying to say. Or maybe I do, but I'm just too scared even with the thought of it. I'm scared and I'm confused....

I don't even know what am I doing right now? Why am I doing this to my self..?.. Please.. give me a break.. I'm tired... I'm just so tired of everything........................ "

Yeah, that's my dilemma. Poor girl... I'm just weak. I'm not really as strong as what I think I am. But I ain't gonna give up! This is life and its mine and I'm sure is gonna give it my best shot!.. By the way, its my principle to never to waste my life over someone who don't give a shit about me. Baby, that's just me...^^

1st day of school for 2012!

2012-01-04T05:15:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day of school for 2012! For student in Malaysia...n.n

And there's already homework... huhuhu.. I miss the boring-ness of it.. hehe...

And yes, things are a lil bit new for me this year cause I'm in form 4 already. This means new subjects, a few new teachers and new language for Science and Maths. I can't believe the government change our Science and Maths languages from English to Malay..=.="..

But I can't complain yet... I still don't know whether this changes are good news or the other way round. I'll see my progress through this year and watch me whether or not will I complain anything soon..hehe..

Anyway, my first day in school today were kinda awesome cause seems like all my friends got something to say. The whole class will buzz just as the teacher went out..LOL. Clare got interesting stories, same goes to Varrelene and Chonna. Sherlyn doesn't have anything to say cause her holidays were almost the same like me. It was almost.... can I say it was 'awful'? Haha.. no that was mean... There are some bright spots but its not as awesome as what the others had been through the holidays. And Leelawathy went to Egypt! Huhuhu... I'm so jealous of her! Anyway, appreciate what you got and that was I'm trying to do...n.n.

Lately, I've been thinking... (I'm talking bout love)..

I've been thinking..

Well..

I think....

Err...

Emm.....

Actually it was both bad and good news.. It was that...

Emm... nevermind..=.="

I think I'm not ready to discuss it in here. Anyway, referring to my traffics these days, its increasing gradually. Thanks to you all readers for your support!!.. And.. as I promise, I'll do my best to not to disappoint you on your visit here. Let you enjoy every post and may it inspire you..^-^

Words of strength

Seek out silence, solitude and tranquility in this and everyday.

This opportunity for personal solace allows us to become

closer, more intimately linked with one's inner self.

Deep within your heart and mind all, the Creator ingeniously

hides all the answers you will ever need. It is in this

sacred space where His intentions and communications live.

Thoughts for new year

2011-12-30T08:47:00.000-08:00

Tick.. tock... tick... tock....

In less then 24 hours, its gonna be 2012. Any thoughts for new year?

Me? Well... I've been thinking about being more serious in my study. Well, I always did but this time, I think I had to be extra focus. Since in this whole holiday, I never touched a book, which means I am signing a death warrant for my self, guess I'm gonna push my self to suck all facts just as the school reopen. Fuhh... its gonna be 'Grr....' .. But, I'm ready!

I chose Tinkerbell as my theme picture for my last post for this year mainly because I admire this character. Tinkerbell is not only cute and full of confidence, she is also always determined to chase her dreams. In the nutshell, she is one of my role model. Vin Diesel is also my role model. He reminds me that no matter how successful you are, you had to always root back from where you belong. Never forgets who you are before you became what you are today. And Jesus is my most perfect role model. His wisdom is not only touching, rare but works in a miraculous way, but also, it comes from the God Himself. Our Creator. Who knows better about everything other than the Creator Himself isn't it?

I want to be a wonderful person. A person that always speaks and do the right things at the right times. A person that always chose the best choice and a person who can face her problem and solve it. A person that is full of love and kindness and never complain. A person that could fight her temptation, lust and hatred. A person that is full of faith and fear of sins.

The question is, can I be that kind of person? Referring it back, woah.... I was nearly talking about being an angel.. haha.. But its possible isn't it? Well, the old sayings said that "when there's a will, there's a way".. Do you believe it? I do. I always did.

Anyway, have any of you ever heard about the 2012 prophecy? I've read a few articles from the web that says 2012 will be the end. Defining 'THE END' here, its talking about apocalypse. I think. Click HERE to check it out yourself.

I know that 90% human beings in this planet don't believe it. Another 3% do... while 7% peoples don't care. Me? I guess I'm in that 7%. Hehe... Its because, to me, I can't say that its not possible. I've seen so many going on's in my still young life things that people used to think impossible and I can't also said that its true cause even the Bible confessed that no one can guess when is 'The End'. Not even the angels of the Lord. So I think, it's safer to be those 7%...n.n

So,what's your thought for new year? I hope it will be a good one. Just don't wish to be a heart broker okay..:) Cheers!!!

Words of strength

All things are possible for those who believe.

Faith is sometimes the only thing you have, but what a gift it is.

With faith, you can press on in the midst of adversity.

Have faith, and it will light your path.

Awesome moments

2011-12-29T06:10:00.000-08:00

Olala!! How's your Christmas is going? I bet it was awesome isn't it? Me, well my Christmas had unexpectedly turned out to be awesome!

At first, I kept complaining of how awful and how unexcited I was for Christmas. My only wish is that, I get to see my family, mostly from my dad's side cause I haven't seen them for a very long time. I was imagining Christmas with them. And prayed every night for it.

On 24th, I started to lose hope.. In my mind, "Maybe my Christmas were meant to be suck after all.."..:'(

Then, a thought struck me, why not I go to Kota Kinabalu alone and stay there for at least 3 days?.. I told my cousin who lives there what I've been thinking, and to my delight, he was helping me to make it all come true...:) Few hours after that, my uncle picked me up using a trailer and I'm off to K.K.

We arrived at my uncle's house at 11.00 pm. Having a lil night supper eating satay then went to sleep. The next day, on 25th, which is Christmas, is when all my dreams coming true..:). In my prayer, I said to the Lord, "Lord, I really want to see my uncles and aunts and my cousins...".. The first people that come to my mind is Raven and Andrew well mainly because they were one of my cousins I were close with once. I thought I was never going to see them cause they live in Keningau. But when we arrived at Penampang where everyone supposed to reunite, to my astonishment, they were there!! Woo... what a surprise!! Not quite a meeting but just the sight of them is already satisfying.:)

In the morning.

Listening to classical songs in the morning is the usual routine there.

Jill with his lap top.

My aunt Felly. LOLs!

The next day, me and my cousin whom I called Jill went to KKCC(Kota Kinabalu City Center ). He took me to have a walk over there. There we met Kurt. A friend that used to be a student at SMK St. Mary's (My school's neighbor). I never really met this friend, but he seems to be a friend of everybody in my school. So I think, why not I met him and take a look at this guy?

And that's him. A very shy guy :P .. Anyway, we had a lil walk at a few malls over there. Center point, Suria Sabah, and Wisma Merdeka. Since I'm not really used to this place, they bring me anywhere they could think of. We go to the arcade and lose most of the game there. :p. On our walk, we accidentally bump into Aretha, my classmate who was with her mum, bro and a Sister who's tagging along with them.

We manage to exchange gift before we separate that day.

By 6.00 pm, Kurt was picked by his dad and my cousin and I continued our walk. Next stop, we go to the cinema with my cousin's friend. His name is Peter, a Chemist teacher at a school located somewhere in Lahad Datu.We watched 'Sherlock Holmes' movie.

Jill and kurt.

Anyway, we end the day at 11.00pm.

The next day, on 27th, is my cousin, Jill's birthday. We shopped at Kamunsing Complex.

I've been thinking about buying one of those, but I'm so not in the mood. Hmm.. maybe next time :)

I like this kind of art. I've been thinking about making one of those one day.^^

View from my uncle's flat.

The gang in the house..^^
From the left:Me, Uncle Dodong, Aunt Bibi, Kuya Jill and Aunt Felly.

I want to have one of those!:3

I wish Sandakan had one of those. A bench where we can relax and eat our burger..:(

The jackpot fish!!... I call him that because he lives in an aquarium. Well of course he lives in an aquarium.. hehe... actually his aquarium was inside the jackpot premise. Can you see the number on his body? Why not go and scribble the number and hit the jackpot! Who knows you're lucky today :)

I wasn't really on the mood for shopping. All I want to do is to walk, walk, walk and walk :) By the way, I got to buy a few clothes on that day with my aunt as my shopping partner.^^

Uncle Dodong :)

Aunt Bibi via shopping partner :)

On 28th, is the saddest part of all. I had to get back home...:( .. My aunt and uncle sent me to Inanam, where the bus station is located and wait patiently until I get in the bus.

God had made my trip completely perfect. There's no word to describe of how grateful I am to Him. At least, I had some part to remember for this miserable year :)

Words of strength

Laugh. There is joy and happiness to be found even in

the darkest hours. Be the eternal optimist that leads

those around you to see the promise of God

for a future full of hope.

My heart, my soul

2011-12-21T05:02:00.000-08:00

"Deep in my heart

There's a fire burning hot

Deep in my heart

There's desire for a start

I'm dying in emotion

It's my world in fantasy

I'm living in my dreams

You're my heart

You're my soul

I keep it shining

Everywhere I go

I'll be holding you forever

Please, stay with me forever

You're my heart

You're my soul

I can feel it that my love will grow

And that's the only thing I really know"

Inspiration words

Discover and nurture your inner source of strength.

You possess strength and courage to battle through all of life's struggles.

Deep within you is an infinite source of courage. This is what

makes you a strong individual, ready to battle each day.

For every obstacle He puts before you, there is equal inner force to overcome.

P.s, if you're looking forward for a better and healthy

living, feel free to visit "why nutrition comes in all forms to extend life". Diet tips and how to

lose weight articles is a sure thing. :)

Creepy spot in the house..Grrr...

2011-12-20T02:17:00.000-08:00

Do you have creepy spot in your house? If no, great for you. For me, it seems like wherever I live, there must be creepy spot somewhere in the house.

And in my current house, this is the creepy spot. A hole on the ceiling. Really, it creeps me out. Especially during night time. That hole used to be covered with a plank-wood, but one day, a storm hits, and the wind blow it off.

Few nights back, I was in the kitchen, which is where the hole is, trying to get my medicine. It was 12.30 am. When I looked up, I found my self staring at the hole and there's a sudden chill. Then, all kinds of imaginary hits me. And what creeps me out more, is when my brain is playing a scene where Ju-on is crawling out of the hole.Grrr.......

Then, I shook my head and went to bed. That night I slept in the guest room. The room was unusually dark that night. As soon as I turned off the light, a sudden chill hits me. It feels like someone was sitting on the bed and was watching me. Woo... trust me, I do feel like running out of the room and cuddle with my mum, but no, I'm more to acting-tough kind of person. So I just jumped on the bed, and tucked my blanket.

That night, I feel kind of hard to sleep. And its been so long I don't have this feeling. You know, someone was watching you or someone was beside you kind of feeling. I'm sensitive to this kind, when they're there, sometimes I can feel it. I used to hear this thing, trying to scared me but I hold on. Even the voodoo guy once told me that I'm quiet sensitive and that I should be more careful. But that's a long story. Let's skip to my experience that night.

Then, about 20 minutes later, I feel the chill just gotten more intense. And suddenly, I hear scratching below my bed. It sounds like eerie fingernails scratching a wood. It got more intense as the time pass by. Then, I quickly grabbed my phone and text a friend, to get rid of my... should I say fear? Well, I have not encountered this thing since I was thirteen. Which is, since I lived in the city. There are a few events, but they're never as worse as when I encountered it in my village.

So, back to the story, when I was texting, around the corner of my eyes, I saw someone was standing in front of my bed. I think it stares at me. I'm not really that scared, for I know that God is always with me and protect me. If we have faith. But I can't lie, I did freaked out. Then, I feel like it tried to touched my leg and I quickly looked directly at it, and saw nothing. I was dumbstruck for awhile. Then, the scratching begins again and this time, it was more intense! Few minutes after that, I hear the dogs growled outside of the house. Like it saw something.

After an hour like that, I got out of the bed and cooked maggie. I'm hungry and since I can't sleep....
I was at the sink washing my hand and stares blankly out of the window when suddenly I saw yellow eyes. I looked carefully to make sense of it and it was a black cat! And it was staring at me! "Freak cat.." I said.
When I finished eating my food, I went back to bed. And sleep...

And didn't have a good night sleep. I keep waking up! There are times when I hear the pipe was open and I got out of the bed to turn it off. But when I got there, everything was so dry!

In this place, there are many supernatural things that people keeps reporting. Even skeptics reports that they encountered it too. Some was choked by the thing, some being locked in the toilet, room or storeroom. Some caught the thing in the camera. Some saw it and some even got killed by it! Scary huh.... But me, I have faith. And you should too. God would never let those son of bitches to screwed with His sons and daughters. I believe it, are you?

Handling criticism

2011-12-16T19:32:00.000-08:00

Hey there! How was your day lately? Upset?

First thing, why did you click here? Is it because of curiosity, or you are really looking for a way to handle haters out there?

Many of us often wondered that why does some people hate our work. It doesn't matter if its a career or just something we do for fun. The thing is, the feedback we got is not as we expect it to be. And it usually happens.

Firstly, in no matter what we do, we can't expect everyone to like it. In No matter what we do or trying to do, there must be some people who didn't agree. For example, you're making a cover and uploaded it you-tube, which is what most people usually do, and after a few months, you visit back your video. To your astonishment, the dislike you got is a hundred and the likes were only 14 or so. And the comment too were pretty rude. Some might be enough to make some people go craze. And there you are, dumbstruck in front of the monitor thinking where is the mistake?

Or maybe you were just blogging. You were producing a post. In your opinion, you're doing a great job. And you proudly hit the publish button. Three days after that, you have no idea of how many rude comments you got for that post. And there you go again, thinking, "What the hell?".

Yeah, that's what most of us been going through. The thing is that, we can't stop these people. But we can prevent it from happening. The first thing is, in whatever we do, think first and imagine every possibilities that could happen. Imagine, all people hating your video or post. Imagine it to the worst you think it could be. Then, imagine it to be the most wonderful thing you want it to be. After that, imagine that no one cares about your video or post. When you're done, think back, can you handle all that situation? What will you feel when millions are against you? And can you handle that?

Everyone knows that you-tube is full of honest people. When they like it, they LIKE, and when they don't they'll just hit the DISLIKE button in honor. They'll just blurt out anything they could think of in the comment space. So when you upload your video, be very ready in whatever the impact will be. If me, I'll expect nothing. I don't really care if they hate me. In fact, I'm glad that they're telling the truth of what they really think.

And what's the case if you're doing it just for fun? Same, expect nothing.

Almost everyone knows her right? She's famous because of the haters. But still, there are some good people who knows the effort she was trying to make and that's great. If you look at it in the positive side of course.

Don't bother to give a damn with haters. Everyone has it. Hey, even Justin Bieber got haters right? Let your respond to it be like Chamillionaire..

He even says Good morning to his haters :)

Even successful and already famous people got haters. Like Bruno Mars and Eminem...

Or the Fort Minor...

They all talk about haters that shit about their job. They have it, and why not you?

In no matter what you do, you can never expect people to like it. And that's all for today, have a blessed day everyone!

Inspirational words for today

"Be brave and face your fears.

The Apostles and many Christians since the coming of Christ faced fears

and death with courage. It build spiritual qualities that no man could hope

to destroy.

Christ faced His tormentors and accusers with courage and overcame His fears.

So you can be assured that no matter how bad the problems you face are, you can overcome them

with the help of the Father."

Let the songs do the talking

2011-12-14T22:43:00.000-08:00

"Do you ever feel out of place.....".. "Like somehow you just don't belong, and no one understands you.."

What a loser song. Seriously, listening to this song while in this situation really make me feels like a loser. Since like these days, I rarely saw and talk to a human being (other than my mum, of course), only songs talks to me.

Looking at the ceiling, while listening to the Simple Plan's really makes me feel what a loner+loser I am right now :P. Moreover, when it is followed by this song..

Then.. suddenly, my phone 'beep'.... Unknown number... Hmm.. not interested.

A friend then called me, "Did you answered it?..".. followed by.. "Oh my God, its Ryan, I can't believe you blow him off!".."He's cute.....bla..bla..."....

Then suddenly, a song played in my head...

Yep...."If it just ain't You, then I don't wanna know..".

Seriously, when you're in love with a guy, you really won't think about any other guy. Not even if they're cute, rich, talented and bla.. bla. The only person you think of is him, him and him. Every thought would eventually leads back to him no matter how hard you tried to escape from it.

Few days ago, there was a party that I really don't want to go. Firstly because I don't like to be in a place where you are totally no one or stranger. But, my mum and her friends pushed me to go since I never go out of the house. So, to make her happy, I just go.

When we're there, as I imagined, the place is full of oceans of strangers. It really makes my stomach felt funny until I can't even swallowed my food.

I was texting to a friend and he suggest that I sing a song at the party. I looked around, and think, "Why am I scared?". Then, I dared my self to grab the mike and ruled the party. And I did. Really, its so crazy. Soon, most of the people all talking to me and in no minutes, I'm not a stranger anymore. On the way home, a friend said to me, "Wow.. that was crazy... I can't believe you dared to do that! Really, that was WOW...". I just smiled and my head, a song played...

"You know that I'm a crazy ...., I do what I like when I feel like it!" (^.~)

But I think, I wouldn't let that happen again. Really, that was crazy. There are value in being shy, and I love it.

Credit....

"It's always your choice to be the devil or angel"

Making a dream come true

2011-12-13T20:27:00.000-08:00

Wow... I mean, my face on the big board? Or was that a wall or what?

Anyway, that's my dream. Being somebody and leave a mark in this planet. At least, the world should know that I did exist. Hey, everyone got their own dream right? It doesn't matter whether that dream is to be a batman, a catwoman, a President or what. It's very important that you know what you want in this life. It affects your choice. How could you choose which road to go if you don't even know your destination?

Well, my dream is to be someone. Being someone means, everyone knows you. And everyone knows you means being famous. To be famous, there are two main path. The path to be famous in a bad way or the good way. I still remember once, my teacher in sixth grade told the class, "it's very easy to gain fame. You kill people, you're famous. You rob the bank, you're famous. But the thing is, we don't want it to work that way. Be famous by being somebody. Make use of this one and only life to leave a mark in this planet. Remember, everyone is somebody, but its always up to you to make it real. Make your name something not nothing."

Until now, that words still linger in my head. It really opened my mind and motivate me. I was lying in my bed, staring at the wall, thinking and decide, "Hell, wherever I go, I'm sure is going to be somebody and leave a mark." Even if its just a little carve, at least, I leave something over there.

But of course, everything is easy to talk than done. In order to strive your best, you need to first, know what is your quality and what you really love to do. Then , strive your best for it. Never give up and be continually inspired.

Me, I love art a lot. Almost any kinds of art. The art of painting, singing, fighting, dancing, acting and playing music. Though I can do it all, but I'm not good at them all. That's the thing, in order to be good at something, you need to know what you really can do and what you can't. I can paint, do some amateur fight, sing, dance, act and play music. But still, I don't want to be 'Jack of all trade and master at nothing'. I need to choose.

Hmm.. a painter? I need a mood to paint. Sing? I can sing, but not a pro. And also, I need a mood to sing. By the way, I don't have a beautiful voice. Though they're not good, but its not that bad either. And fighting? I wonder where I can practice that. Do I need to kick my puppy everyday and see how strong I get everyday? Naaa... I don't think so either. Dance? Hmm... I don't know where to start either. So does acting. And playing guitar?, I love to play but its not my passion. So what's left? Only one, modelling. I bet everyone can see that. I do love modelling a lot.

But now, I'm working hard on my study. I wanna be a professional. Though I'm not sure on what field yet, but that's the dream. I'm still in high school now. I can't tell much about a dream coming true. Hey, I haven't even receive my PMR result. For your information, PMR is an important examination you need to take on the third year of high school. If you're a Malaysian.

So I guess we'll talk about this again 10 years from now. If God forbid :)

"Every strike, shall be your best."

"Rise today to the challenge set before you.
Know that each obstacle represents a lesson to be learned.
These are the moments that shapes who you are.
You may choose to endure and overcome.
Or to become overcome yourself."

My "Perfect two"

2011-12-11T19:43:00.001-08:00

Happy creative Sunday everybody!

"You can the peanut butter to my jelly

You can be the butterfly I feel in my belly

You can be the captain and I can be your first maid

You can be the chill that I feel on our first date

You can be the hero and I can be your sidekick

You can be tear that I cry if we ever split

You can be rain from the cloud of the stormin'

Or you can be the sun that shines in the morning

Don't know if I could ever be

Without you cause boy you complete me

And in time I know that we'll both see

That we're all we need

Cause you're the apple to my pie

You're the straw to my berry

You're the smoke to my high

And you're the one I wanna marry

Cause you're the one for me, for me

And I'm the one for you, for you

It take the both of us, of us

Cause we're the perfect two

We're the perfect two

Baby me and you

We're the perfect two

You be the prince and I can be your princess

You can be the sweet tooth and I can be the dentist

You can be the shoes and I can be the laces

You can be the heart that I spill on the pages

You can be the vodka and I can be the chaser

You can be the pencil and I can be the paper

You can be as cold as the winter weather

That I don't care as long as we're together

Don't know if I could ever be

Without you cause boy you complete me

And in time I know that we'll both see

That we're all we need

Cause you're the apple to my pie

You're the straw to my berry

You're the smoke to my high

And you're the one I wanna marry

Cause you're the one for me, for me

And I'm the one for you, for you

It take the both of us, of us

Cause we're the perfect two

We're the perfect two

Baby me and you

We're the perfect two"

Sunset at the back of my house.

Forevers not enough

2011-12-10T21:11:00.001-08:00

Dedicated to my mysterious LOVE.....

"If I would have to live my life again

I'd stay in love with you the way I've been

Your love is something no one ever can replace

I can't imagine life with someone else

I promise I will share my life with you

Forever may not be enough it's true

My heart is filled with so much love I feel for you

No words can say how much I love you so

And if...

Forevers not enough for me to love you

I'd spent another lifetime baby

If you ask me to

There's nothing I won't do

Forever's not enough for me to LOVE you so

They say tomorrow seems so far away

And now we see that everything can change

My LOVE for you gets stronger as tomorrow comes

I know this love would stand the test of time

And if...

Forevers not enough for me to LOVE you

I'd spent another lifetime baby

If you as me to...

There's nothing I won't do

Forevers Not enough for me to love you so..."

Sorry they're not good.. It's a dedication anyway.. that's all I can do :)

How does it feels to be beautiful?

2011-12-09T06:46:00.001-08:00

I often wondered, how does it feels to be beautiful? I saw a lot of beautiful girls everywhere. Even in my class. I saw all the attention they got, and it makes me wonder, what could she really feel?

Is it fun to be beautiful? What does it like? I got a lot of beautiful friends. And one of them named Sherlyn.

I can't tell how it feels to be beautiful cause I admit, I'm ugly. By being ugly, sometimes I feel so embarrassed when hanging out with these pretty gals. It feels like I don't have the sense of belonging when being with them . When this happens, I feel like I wanna soak my head in a plastic bag therefore no one could see me!

That's one of the reason of why I always don't feel like going out of the house. I hate it when people stare at me. If you're beautiful, that's the other case, but if you're not?

Why does it have to be ugly and pretty in life? Why can't something be fair? Why does they had to be like that, and the others to be the other way?

Actually, it is beautiful to be that way. God had carefully created each and everything in a unique way. Nothing is the same. Not even twins!

By the way, beauty in the outside is actually a second thing. Though we always make it the first quality in our list, but inner beauty is far more important.

We liked to be beautiful because we wanted to be liked. Who would stand to like you if the only thing you good at is to bitch around even though you had an angelic face?

The most important thing is that, we were happy and everyone around us also felt happy when we were around. Always be reminded, you are wholly beautiful when your inside is beautiful.

Credit...

Watching dusk scenery at the back of my house.

Speechless friday

2011-12-08T21:45:00.001-08:00

Does anyone sees Cinderella? She left her heel on my bed(-.-')

My funny pets

2011-12-08T03:38:00.001-08:00

My cats.

My pups.

P.s, I would like to share with you one of my favorite puzzle. The room below seem normal, but I had spotted about 20 things that's not right in there. What about you? Do you think you can beat me?

Express yourself and feel better!

2011-12-07T02:57:00.001-08:00

Okay, enough for the bad and sad and depressed story. Sorry everyone that I couldn't provide an interesting discoveries these days. I'm far cry from the city now. And that means I nearly couldn't get any network at all. I need to put up a very good effort + patience just in order to produce A post. You wouldn't imagine how was my face while waiting for just a page to load. I'll let you picture my face using my cat to express it :)

His name is "Mingkui". Quite a weird name isn't it? I had no idea where did my mum got that name ..(-.-')

I hate to complain and I hate to hate. But I just can't help it! I can't move on as long as I don't do something in order to express what's inside of me. I'm a say-it-all kind of person. And the positive value in that is that, I don't hold grudge. And I'm so glad that I get to express it all to you readers. And you're pretty understanding too(n.n). And finally, I can see the light :)

Near-sunset view of the place I'm in right now.

I've been holding up the feelings since I'm not sure when. And the only way I could express whats inside of me during that period is like this.

But now, after I had expressed it all, I feel so bright inside(^_^). In me, it looked a lot like this,

So, one last advice from me readers, in whatever you feel, express it no matter how. Don't ever hold anything inside of you. Cause once it explode, you'll have no idea of how stupid you could be.

If you don't feel comfortable in my way kind of expression, means, by blogging, you have a lot more alternative. You can wrote a journal for instance. Or you could say it all to a person you really trusted. But my favorite other ways of expressing is by what they called "message in the bottle". You know that story right? The person wrote a letter and put it in the bottle, and throw it to the ocean. Interesting isn't it? Why don't you try it?

Screwed!

2011-12-06T02:41:00.001-08:00

Just by the image, you already got the idea right? I'm upset!!!

Seriously, I think I really got tired of this judges around me. They are just so much horrible than the judges in the court. They are the judge, they are also the lawyer!

I'm sick of these people saying that I'm arrogant and proud of myself. Oh please, like you even know me. In fact, I never even boast my success or whatever I achieved. And they already say that I'm this and that. That's why, living in the city is far so much better for me. In the city, no one will care nor notice who you are and what you do. Sometimes, that is horrible, but at times, I really wish that people don't care about what and who I am.

I don't know why I become the center of attention of these people. Is it because I rarely go out of the house and didn't socialize with them or give a damn in whatever is happening to them? Oh please, I'm so grateful that I'm not like them cause these kind of person could really turn someone's life into hell! I'm sick, and I'm sick! The more I ignore them, the horrible they became.

I don't know, is it because there are actually something wrong with me? If yes, I wonder what that is. Did I offend people? No I don't think so. Besides, how could I when I never ever even go out of the house if not only for the clinic or not for my mum pursuing me to go somewhere.

Maybe I need to make a few reflection over my self. I just don't get it yet. I need help on what should I do and friends, I'm sure is needing your help especially to my dear BFF, you better give a hand dear. Cause I think I'm screwed!

I'm already upset with my current situation which is freaking boring and lonely and these people is making an effort to slowly driving me craze! I know I'm not gonna be, but please, don't turn my holiday into a hell okay.

I'm just another fool

2011-12-05T05:54:00.001-08:00

"I'm strong I'm sure

I'm in control

A lady with a plan

Believing that life

Is a neat little package

I hold in my hand

I've got it together

They call me the girl

Who knows just what to say and do

Still I fumble and fall

Run into the wall

'Cause when it comes to you

I'm just another woman in love

A kid out of school

The fire out of control

Just another fool

You touch me

And I'm weak

I'm a feather in the wind

I can't wait

To feel you touching me again

With you, I'm just

Another woman

Just another woman

In LOVE

So pardon me

If I should stare

And tremble like a child

That wanting me to look

All over your face

Is driving me wild

I'm just what you make me

Can't wait till you take me

And set my feelings free

I know that you can

So come be my man

Tonight I want to be

Just another woman

Just another woman in LOVE"

Yes, I love you

There's no way I can deny it

No matter how much

I fake that I'm strong

A true eyes can see my pain

Who says that a dead boyfriend

Is the saddest story in the world?

You have no idea

Of how it feels

To know that you can't

Have something you need

It feels like

You are running out of oxygen

Knowing that there's no way

You can refill it

You're suffocating

You can't breath

But yet, you can't die

You'll live to just to

Feel the pain.....

Why long holidays is just terrible for me!

2011-12-05T01:11:00.001-08:00

Spending everyday like this really got my brain freeze! I simply got no choice! Well, maybe I have, but really, this is much better than the choices that I have.
~What am I doing? Staring at the floor thinking simply nothing! And this is what I usually do first thing in the morning.

When I get tired of sitting, this is what happen to me. And yeah, I could spend the whole day like that. Laying lazily on the sofa without going anywhere except toilet. And yeah, I would eventually missed my lunch without feeling hungry at all. Well, how could I, I didn't even move. Energy used, none. What am I thinking, I'm not sure. Maybe everything. Sometimes I could get upset with my own thought. Call me crazy, cause I am :)

During this period, my guitar is my best friend, no one else! I'll play and play and play until I'm running out of songs. But when I got nothing else to sing, I'll hug it for hours :)

Oh... I'm so getting crazier... That's the facts. Sometimes when we are alone, we don't even realize what we are doing. That's why holidays are just terrible!

My mum call me a ghost or crazy.

1st reason... I keep all the curtains, windows and doors closed for 24/7.

2nd, I woke up the whole night. In fact, its the time I am most active.

3rd, I don't like to go out and meet people. Excuses, I don't like when there are many people around..xD

And I'll just say to my mum, " Aww, I'm not a ghost mum. Just a human that acted like one...:)" or, "I'm not crazy mum, just about too..n.n"

Devil and angel

2011-11-30T06:24:00.001-08:00

The devil and angel....everyone got them inside of them right? And that's including me :)

When the devil dominates, I become a very hot tempered, rude, selfish, bossy, and jealous girl. I feel like I wanna rule the world! I practically hate everyone. At times, I could be very cruel too. You can't imagine.

When the angel dominates, I become a very patient, kind, sweet, obedient, and forgiving person. I feel like I love everyone and everything even though they hurt me.

Some say that, when I become evil, I'm period.LOL. And when I'm being an angel, they said that I was just being motivated by a touching speech from church. But to tell the truth, it wasn't come from my period, or preach, it just come naturally. At times, I do believe that I have alters. Do you know what that is? In short, it was called (MPD), Multiple Personality Disorder. To find out more, just click here. It's an interesting fact.

Why did I say so? Well, at times, I'm very good at music, playing guitar. Sometimes, dancing and at the other times, I'm very good in painting. At times, I could debate spontaneously! But there are times where I can't do any of those at all! It seems like I got no memory of doing any of those.

Once, someone showed me a video where I'm dancing in a party. Well, they're good. It was just a week before she showed me the video and I have no memory of it at all! In fact, I don't have any memory of doing what she was saying. Then the others, showed me a beautiful painting. She said I gave it to her a little a while ago, not sure when. And I can't recall anytime where I paint it! I know I've been in time where it all happens, but the memory I have is different from what they're saying.

But don't worry. I live normal. In fact I love to have these talents. By the way, my case is not as worse as the woman on the link I've given. Poor woman....

P.s, Read Tell me your dreams. It's a novel by Sidney Sheldon. After reading it, you'll sure will have a better understanding on alters thingy :)

Don't be afraid to be single

2011-11-29T07:55:00.001-08:00

Can you feel the magic in the air..?

Sometimes, fairy-tale is so much better than reality. Agree? In fairy-tale, everything seems possible and everything happens in a magical and beautiful way.

If I were given a choice to choose a character in Wonderland, I would choose to be a fairy~(n.n)

A guy was chatting with me on a social network. We were talking about boyfriend and girlfriend. We actually are just two stranger talking over anything to fill our time with empty words.

I told him that I was bored and he offered me a way to overcome it(jokingly). He give me two ways, the fun or hard way. I ask him, what's the difference. He said, the fun way is by calling your boyfriend while the hard way is to ask him for a fight! I replied, "Sadly, I can't do both...". He asks, "Why not?". Me, "because I don't have a boyfriend!...xD". He replied, "You're joking right? That's impossible..". Me, "Why not? It's the truth..LOL".

I'm not ashamed to admit that I am SINGLE! Who says, I can't be single? I had to, go out and mingle, baby..that's just ME!~Says the Demi Lovato. Right, I don't get it why people are afraid to be single! They collect as many girlfriends and boyfriends as they can, playing with each others heart, while carrying the motto, "Collect and choose". That's the problem with today's society, we look at each other as an object to fulfill our needs and desire.

Actually, people with this mind are quiet insecure with their self. They're afraid that people may think of them as "Tak Laku", the Malay said. Me? I don't care. Remember, people will always say whatever they want. We can never stop them. I will be whatever makes me happy. May it be single or not, time will decide.

By accepting someone you don't love won't make you happy at all. Trust me, I've done that. You think you will be secure by just having a girlfriend and a boyfriend? Naa...you won't! If you're not really in love and are not pretty sure whether he/she loves you too, you won't really care to look at his/her backgrounds. They might have other lovers. If you think that it doesn't really matter for you don't really love the person, you're wrong. Yes, it matters. Why not? Are you sure you're okay when they label you as a slut, mistress, or a mindless doll? Of course you do right...? Besides, self security can only be born by confidence.

Don't worry if you're single. In fact, it's fun! You're free to talk, flirt, look at any guy without a limit and without any feelings of worry that someone might get jealous!

So, stop worrying now, and live your life!!

My hollow heart

2011-11-28T06:32:00.001-08:00

I was thinking, of how much longer I could stand this...

Sometimes, I think I'm strong enough to overcome whatever odds on my way, but at times, I realize of how much I fake everything. My smile, my joy...

I've been running all this while. I think I'm stupid enough to fall in love. I think I'm so weak for falling in love. I feel so helpless that I can't control my feelings. I feel helpless that I can't stop my self for wanting him. I mean, not wanting him in a negative way(LOL), I want to spend time with him. Precious time, where I can really enjoy it. Without the guilty feelings, and rush.

The thought that I'll never gonna have it, makes me feel so hollow inside. I act as though I don't care with a motto, "I'm not gonna die anyway", but deep inside, I'm sad. There's a hollow feelings that really can't be explained. Oh, I'm so weak....

I look at the people around me, and wonder..."Why, did they had a chance to enjoy the moments with the one they love.? They had a chance to be together...oh how I wish..". But I always stop there. I didn't dare to think further. I don't want to be weak for wanting something that I can't have. In my life, I only believe the fact that I can have everything. Including joy and love. But true, I'm defeated by the phrase, "Love is stronger than everything." You can't have it when it's not for you...

Oh...why... why does this happen to me? Why did love chose for me to love him.? My friends felt funny for me to love him, me too... It's stupid, It is the stupid thing ever happened in my life. Even though I think that it was a mistake, I did not dare to think of it that way, for LOVE is God's best gift.

This experience is the hurtful thing that really hounds me almost the whole year. I don't understand why this happens. It's funny and it's stupid. I don't know why did God set it to be this way. But yet, I believe that there must be something good behind this. I believe... I believe...

I really want to do something about it. For this feelings is going to explode very soon. I feel like I can't stand it any longer... To tell the truth, I am a selfish girl. To me, the world is mine. I almost never care others feelings and needs. But true, love is powerful, because of love, I chose this way because I didn't want someone to get hurt. I feel weird about it. I overcome my anger and forgive fully, because I love. I don't want to stole anybody's happiness. Though I never care about that before, but love had changed it.

The other reason that I chose to hurt my self is because I love Jesus. I love Him so much that I don't want Him to get hurt just because I want my worldly LOVE to be fulfilled.

I pray... sobbing but with a full sincere heart.."Jesus, You know what I feel for this boy and You know what I want. But no Jesus, hurt me...hurt me so bad and avoid anything to happen for me to further this love. But never You. Never let me hurt You Jesus, never. I'm enough of hurting You all this while, but not again. Hurt my heart so bad but never You. Never let me break Your heart Jesus, but break mine for You..Amen..."

What you see on the web is different from the truth

2011-11-25T22:03:00.001-08:00

Hi readers! I'm back...and sadly, with the same issue all over again...

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Don't judge a book by its cover"? I know its kinda insulting I'm asking you this, of course you had heard of it at least once. And I'm sure you know exactly what it means, aren't you? But how many of us in this planet had applied this in our lives? Because I'm pretty sure that the people around me still did judge a book by its cover, and that's including me(sadly).

We used to look at others appearances and make our own conclusion. But admit it, how many times did we judge people wrongly? And that's in real lives. Real people that we'd seen with our own naked eyes. But what about those people on the web? or facebook? Even in real lives, we can't judge a person accurately and how come we had a gut to judge a person in the web?

I'm bringing this topic, cause I admit, I'm kinda sad. I'm sad of the way people (that I know) judge me when they saw my facebook or must I say, this blog. They watch and read everything and then judge me like hell. What am I a slut now? I'm so sad because the one who told me this is the person that had really know me. Just the because they saw my picture in "its your life not theirs" or my video under Scandal, they say that I'm a fame perk. Hell-O! It is so not about fame dear. I'm doing it because I feel like doing it. I don't think anyone would watch it passionately anyway. I had done it, and I want to put it somewhere. By the way, I don't see why it is so wrong anyway. Is there any part of my body that shouldn't suppose to be seen exposed, just some shorts and boots.Like you never saw it ever in lifetime! And the video, did I do strip dance over there? No Right?! So what's the fuss??

So open your mind! What people show in the web doesn't mean that's the way the person is behaving offline. And don't lecture me over the phrase, "Don't say online what you won't say offline" or in other words 'DO'. Admit it, how many of us manage to do that? Most of us is very different on the web and in real life. What we present on the web is actually whats in our mind. Our designed life. So why not leave it there? Why fuss over it when we already know it?

By the way, watch your back, Don't ever judge others when you haven't even judge yourself.

And of course, I'm not mad. As I was saying, I'm just sad:( By the way, before I hit the post button, I already knew how the impact would be. But I was just hoping, that you would stop judging me(even I knew its not ever going to happen, people just can't stop judging aren't they?) If you're not comfortable with what I'm doing, then don't dare to hurt yourself by reading it. Easy right? Peace greeting from me :)

Top 5 Ghost Ships

2011-11-21T03:53:00.001-08:00

Hi readers, craving for a new discovery? I know you are. Today's post is your favorite. Ghostly or mystery, pick your choice!

Today's discovery is about ships. Ghost ships I suppose. I'm bringing you the top 5 most mysterious and haunted ship ever stated in the history! Before that, take note that the ghost ships I'm bringing now isn't ships that appears in spirit form. In here, the ghost ships is a real solid ships that sails on the surface of the ocean mysteriously without any crew. It has mystery such as, the crew disappearances and amazing facts such as, how could the ship survive sailing on rough ocean or who knows what kind of things the ship faced during her voyage lifeless without crew for decades or even century!

Here they are....

Mary Celeste

The oldest among-st the five. Back in 1872, Mary Celeste was a merchant ship found by derelict mariners and became the most famous haunted ship. When it was located, it was found to have all its sails up and was in a very good condition. And all the personal belongings of all crew and cargo of over 1 701 barrels of alcohol and ample food storage for 6 months was still there! Strangely, there are no crew on board, and the life boat was missing. Although there are many stories spawned over the mysterious disappearance, but there are only few that can be believed. Many believed that the crew was being mutinied.

Rumors said that, the crew had eaten flour contaminated with fungus that led all the passengers to have delusions and go crazy. One report even suggested that there were bloodied weapons on board and blood stains on some sails hinting some pirate activity on the ship. Many speculations have continued with few even blaming the sea monsters or aliens abduction.

Baychimo

The Baychimo was a cargo steamer that was deserted near Alaska for nearly 40 years. It was owned by the Hudson Bay Company and used to trade pelts and furs. It was built in Sweden in 1914 and was launched 6 years after that. However, in 1931, the ship was stuck in an icy grip. The crew abandoned the ship fearing that it might break down which strangely did not happen for decades! The ship managed to stay afloat for the next 38 years. It was seen sailing on the water of Alaska and the last sightings of it was on 1969 when it had disappeared forever.

Zebrina

Was 3-masted sailing barge which was abandoned for 2 days after it was set off from the port of Southern-England in October 1917 with a cargo full of coal bound for Saint-Brieuc, France. The mystery of the ship is that, there are no explanation on how did the ship sunk taking its crew along. It was believed that a threat of gunfire from German submarine may have threatened the crew to board the U-preparatory and taken the submarine sinking the vessel. Yet, the mystery remained unsolved.

Kaz II

Also known as "The Ghost Yacht". It was found drifting 88 nautical miles (160km) off of the northern coast of Australia on April 18, 2007. Everything on the boat was perfectly placed with the lap top opened and turned on, food served on the table, radio and GPS still working and life jackets neatly hung on their hooks. The only thing that went missing was the three men who had set out for a journey three days before it was found. The sails up but badly shredded. The search was abandoned after four days with theory that one of the men may had fallen off the board killing the other two who may had tried to save their companion.

Queen Mary

Also known as "The Grey Ghost". It is now permanently docked as a tourist attraction and hotel. The ship is said to have ghosts on board which haunted various areas. Some of it include the first class swimming pool, where guests had seen people in period bathing suits and also heard sounds of water splashing. The third class children room was also reported to be haunted by the cries of an infant who died on board. While in the Queen's Salon, people had sighted a lady dressed in a white evening gown dancing. Other stories revolve around phones ringing at midnight, man appearing in the mirror and lots more giving shudder in their spine.

So, that's that. I was on the move on researching more and more mystery or interesting ghost stories to share with you. So, stay tuned!

It's Your Life not Theirs

2011-11-20T03:28:00.001-08:00

Imperfection isn't a resistance, the way you think is...

Do you agree? I do. I'd like to discuss about a thing, why do people love to judge? Why is it so hard to leave thing just the way it is? And why does its hard to let people make their own decision and do what they like?

The truth is, I never really care about haters nor even skeptic. They will say whatever they want to say anyway. By the way, no matter how good or perfect something is, they will always have something to say to make you feel bad and discourage you.

But why let them succeed? They may hate what you do, but don't let it stop you from doing what you love. They can tell you what to do and what's not, but it's you who make the decision. Whether to listen or not, everything is up to you.

Everything is always up to you. You got your own brain, so why bother to let other brain to think for you?
Don't be afraid to make a difference...

Scandal!

2011-11-19T11:47:00.001-08:00

The best damn thing popularized by Avril Lavinge, re-presented by Beverly.

Cast: Beverly

Camera Girl:Angel

Thanks for watching! Te amo!

Why girls find it hard to accept compliments?

2011-11-18T03:52:00.001-08:00

Many guys often wondered why is it so hard for a girl to accept compliments?

As a girl, today, I'm gonna try to answer this question.

I'm choosing this topic to bubble out today because I feel the same. Whenever someone complimenting me, I wouldn't believe it. When, someone told me, "hey, you're beautiful you know." Dozens of possibility running through my mind. Such as, does he mean it?, oh he's making fun of me, or he wants something from me.

Often, the one that I believed is that, the person is making fun of me. Cause never in my life ever I think I'm beautiful. Or, beautiful enough to receive compliments. I think this happens as a result of self trauma. As a girl, I care a lot about my body. It's true, everyone want's perfection. So do I. But everyone knows without a book that nobody's perfect right? And no one in this world never receive negative comments about their physical.

So get back to girls, girls care too much about their looks. That proves why girls facial stocks never run out. We work and take care of it everyday. As a result, we may think too much of ourselves, so when a negative comment hit us, we may save it and set it in our brain.

Negative comments that we heard are often something that we can never change or a bit hard to change. They are things that we have to live with. Hurtful comments to girls may sound like this,

"You're so fat!"

"You're so black!"

"You're so short!"
and a lot more. Often, it wasn't pleasant to hear. It might be followed with giggles and simile such as,

"You're so fat like a PIG!"

"You're so black! During night time, only your teeth shines!"

"You're so short! You should escort snow white...I know you'll pass the audition to be one of her dwarfs."

Since we may live it for like forever, we will frequently hear it everywhere. Example, me. Through this life, this is what I frequently heard...

"Jeezz.....you're so skinny just like skewer/lamp post!!"

"You're eyes were so big! hahaha...."

Ouch..that's sharp. At first, it might hurt me a lot. But since like everybody said it, I slowly accept these facts. Even though it wasn't pleasant to hear, I already accept it as my physical identity and already believe that I'm so ugly.

It's like a trauma, every morning, I'll be reminded that I'm skinny like skewers and my eyes were freaking big! So, all I know is that I'm ugly.

So isn't that weird when suddenly someone come up saying that you're beautiful? And Even funnier when someone told me that I owned a beautiful eyes. I laugh when someone told me that and in my head, I'm saying, "Damn it, I know I'm ugly and I don't need you to tell me that!" and The thought in my mind would always be, "Oh, I get that. Thanks for making fun of me."

That's my point of view...Girls, If you got yours, please wrote it in your "comments" and let's solve this mystery together!

Mysterious House: The Winchester House

2011-11-16T18:58:00.001-08:00

Winchester..hmm...you're probably been thinking about Dean and Sam Winchester the Ghost buster_ha-ha. I choose this house mainly because I like the show_a lot. But, No. I'm talking about a real house, a real place, and a real story.

The Winchester house is located at San Jose, California. It is a well known mansion in California. It was reported to be haunted. Once, the mansion is a personal residence of Sarah Winchester, the widow of a gun magnate William Wirt Winchester.

The Story of the Winchester house began like this....
Sarah and William was married on September 30, 1862, during a civil war in an elaborate ceremony in New Haven. Four years later, on July 15, 1866, Sarah gave birth to a daughter named Annie Pardee Winchester. Just a short time later, her daughter contracted an illness known as "marasmus", a children disease in which the body wastes away. The poor baby died on July 24 the same year. After the tragedy, she and her husband would never had a child again.

Not long after that, another tragedy struck her. Her husband which is now the heir of the Winchester empire was struck down with pulmonary tuberculosis. He died on March 7, 1881. As a result, Sarah inherited over $20 million dollars which is a very large sum of money especially in those days. Not to mention the 48.9% of the Winchester Repeating Arms Company and an income of about $1000 per day.

She grieved deeply at the lost of her child and husband. One day, a friend suggest that she should talk to a medium. The medium went on telling her there is a curse in her family which took the life of her husband and her daughter. It soon will take Sarah life too. The curse is said to be the result of the terrible weapon created by the Winchester family(The Winchester Rifles) which had cause thousands of people died. Their spirit is now seeking for vengeance.

Bird eye view of the Mansion.

Sarah was told that she must sell her property in new Haven and head towards the setting sun. She is told that she will be guided by the spirit of her husband. The medium also told her that when she reaches her destination, she must then , built a house for herself and the spirits who had died because of the weapon. She must never stop building. "..you can never stop building the house. If you continue building, you will live. Stop and you will die." The medium told her.

She believed it, and travel west. When she reached her destination, she bought a house and continue building the house non stop until her death 36 years later.

The mystery of the house goes on as the structure of the house made no sense at all. There were countless staircase and doors which led to nowhere. Blind chimneys which stops short of the ceiling, closets that open to blank walls, trap doors, double back hallways, and many bathrooms had glass doors on them.

Door that leads to nowhere.

It was said that Sarah was intrigued by the number 13. Nearly all the windows contained 13 panes of glass, the walls had 13 panels, many of the wooden floors contained 13 sections, and every staircase had 13 steps excluding one which has 42 steps.

Sarah died at the early hours on September 4, 1922. She left all her possessions to her niece, Frances Marriot who had been handling Sarah business affair for some time. Sarah bank account had dwindled considerably. Rumors told that somewhere in the house was hidden a safe containing her fortune.

All belongings in the house was removed while the house itself were sold to a group of investors who planned to use it as tourist attraction. The house was initially advertised as being 148 rooms but what is so confusing is that, every time the room count was taken, different total sum come up. The place was so puzzling that the workmen took more than six weeks to get the furniture out of it.

The rooms were counted over and over again five years later and it was estimated that 160 rooms existed... although no one is really sure if that is correct.

Twisty hallways.

If you take a closer look, the floor was not even level! I wonder how running on there feels like!...creepy

So, the promise is here...hope you enjoy this new discovery. Visit the place if you had a chance, its a tourist attraction. See more at, "America's Most Haunted PLaces" or visit "Shadgrimgrvy Blog" for a few pictures of the house.

Sexy Discovery

2011-11-14T23:51:00.001-08:00

Here it is...school holiday! One can imagine how horrible it is! Look at me!!!

But actually it's still my imagination. It will happen soon when I get back to my hometown . Right now I'm in the city doing absolutely nothing!

Anyway, I'm not here to depress you. I know you're probably in my shoes aren't you? Some of my classmates even complained that they got pimples during school holidays because of the depression of feeling bored. Some suggest that we should hang out but how? We're everywhere! Some are out of state to have their holidays. Some are even out of the country or even Asia. The others are busy camping and attending seminars. While the others are like me, had to spend the whole holiday doing nothing.

But who says we will rot? Yeah right, fortunate people will go somewhere for the holiday but we, we can do something too! Why not we work out our appearance and upload impressive pictures in facebook? Or make a cover and upload it...if you dare.... and pissed people at the facebook. It's fun!

Okay, change of topic.......

Right now, the only thing that's on my mind is those sexy celebs I saw on the TV. Sexy videos of whores doesn't impress me actually, they're pretty embarrassing. But sexy voice does! I just discover this song of Pitbull ft. Paulina Rubio on Ni Rosas Ni Jaguetes this morning. I like it!

I love their languages too! If I were given a chance to learn one more foreign language, their's would be my choice.

Pitbull's voice is sexy don't you think? Ya tu sabe..I like these kind of guy's voice...just like Vin... The only thing is that he's naughty. He enjoyed those slut revolving around him. Well, its in his DNA and it suit him well anyway.

Move on to the next song, Rain Over Me_Pitbull ft. Marc Anthony....

The part that I love the most is the bridge....I was playing with her..she was playing with me..The next thing you know...we were playing with three... Naughty but yet sexy... Ya tu sabe! And it got me singing...

So that's all for today readers.. sorry, not quiet a content. Anyway, stay tuned, I'm researching about a mysterious house for now to share with you. Make sure you didn't miss it! Approximately, it'll be ready in two days.

The Four#2: Sherlyn

2011-11-12T05:35:00.001-08:00

"It's been the longest winter without you...ooh.."

'I know...', I found my voice. As I was listening to Leona Lewis sweet voice. I feel like crying..But NO! I have to be strong!

I click next, and Selena says, "I guess I should have known it wasn't gonna end okay..". 'Duh!', I thought. Not my song for today. Then 'next'... Charice.."Everytime you go I'm in the shadows...everytime you know the pain inside grows..". 'Duh!', I said hitting the next button. Then next, and next, and next! 'No...nothing... No songs can describe this feelings. If it did, I don't wanna hear it anyway, duh!'. Soon, I decide that only praise and worship songs can help... I click the folder...I found my self singing passionately.."savior I come..quiet my soul..remember..." And there I go, jamming with my shadow. 'Much better', I thought. Only God can help.

The song was followed by many other worship songs. As I was listening, I open my Facebook. After for like 20 minutes updating my page, suddenly 'POP', Beverly on the chat box, "Lyn, check out! Vin says he loves his fans! Aww.. he's cute!" and she put a link at the end of her line. The only thought that was on my mind was that, 'Stupid, of course he loves his fans, he's nothing without them'. I click the link, and I found my self reading Vin Diesel's status. I'm not really paying attention but it ends with, 'All Love'. Immediately I closed the page. I don't know why, but words 'LOVE' kinda traumatized me. I hate just by the sound of it!

Soon, 'POP', "hey, have you read it?",...."hellowwWW!"...."Testing..1..2..3..". 'Ih! What's wrong with her! IshHH!' I said in my head. I closed the chat box and offline my chat. After about an hour wondering on the web, I decided to go off to dreamland. After shutting down my PC, I jump on my bed, ready to doze off. I close my eyes...

"Kringggg!!!", my cellphone is ringing! I check the message, 'Cassey?', I said to my self. "Hey, how ya' doin?", the message says. 'Okay, I'm having insomnia and that's all he says? What he was thinking?'.

I replied, "Doin' good.. You? Hey, There's something I want to talk to you..".

I waited.....5 minutes have passed...then another 10...soon...another 15...

'Okay..that's it! Shit it!' I said to my self throwing my cellphone on the floor.

************************

"Tok, tok, tok, tok.."... another hit.."tok,tok,tok, tok!!!" louder. I open my eyes and realize that I was late!

'And why the heck didn't my alarm rings?' I thought. I look down the floor. Ha-ha...Sorry, I throw you last night.

I open the door.. saying, "sorry, sorry....my cellphone fell on the floor last night! I-"

My aunt cut my line, "Are you going to school?".

I stared at her for 3 seconds and say, "yes, yes..I'm going. I'll be ready in 5 minutes".

**********************************

Just as I stepped in my class, the bell rings. Just in time! Beverly was on her way out. But she waited me while I put my bag on my sit.

While we were walking, she ask, "so...did you click the link?".

"yeah.. I did. How did you found it anyway?" I ask-not interested. Soon I found her bubbling and I wasn't listening. 'Duh...stupid topic...So?...Mmmm..." I answered in my head.

We're at the corridor when she suddenly run towards Clare. Putting her hand on her shoulder, she says, "Happy Monday Clare.. Where were you last night?............................

To be continued......

Previuous
The Four#1: Clare's point of view

Next
The Four#3: Beverly's point of view

This story was a total made up. So don't freak out okay :)

The Four: The Sleepover

2011-11-12T05:16:00.001-08:00

Hey there! I'm sorry, no tips for today. Today, I'm up to share some of 'The Four's' activity. If you're one of my 'up to date' readers, you've probably already knew who 'The Four' is. Yesterday, three of the four friends having sleepover at Sherlyn's house. One of the member, which is Varrelene, couldn't make it. She was too busy to join. Too bad :(

Anyway, during the sleepover, the three did some crazy project, which they call "Our Song" project. After several trial, finally, this was the result...

"Eww..that sucks.." one of them says.
Then Clare, "Okay, please..........not You-Tube!!!". Sherlyn grinned.
Beverly, "Why not? I want it to be so, so be it! You can do nothing about it!"
"Eee...."

They argue about it but then they finally decide that its not a big deal. So they uploaded it! Beverly was on the lead of course. The craziest among all.

After spending another half of the day doing almost nothing, they decided that they want to make another cover. And it was kinda horrible. Here it was...

They listened to it over and over and over again and they liked it mainly because it sucks.

Clare, "Haha..that's horrible. Wonder how much dislikes we suck after this!"
Sherlyn, "Forget it Clare, no one will be watching anyway. Even if they did, they wouldn't care anyway."
Beverly, "Duh, no matter how perfect anything is, there's always people who doesn't agree with it. So why bother to make it perfect? We're doing this for fun anyway and I've wrote it at the description. Hate it and we suck it! It's a dare anyway."
And they all laugh. Laugh it like crazy!

Soon, it was 'online'....! "Let it be the mark of our 15 of age. They cheers. And get ready to laugh it off 10 years from now....they thought...."

Thats all that happened during the sleepover. Almost nothing but it was a mark of history to them...

10 Ways To Boost Your Confidence

2011-11-10T05:06:00.001-08:00

Confidence is one of the vital quality that most people doesn't have. Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits.

Once I read, Vin Diesel says that his father told him, "Confidence is the most important thing you can teach someone...if you can teach them confidence, you don't have to teach them anything else."

True, if we are confident, we can do almost everything! Having confidence is knowing and trusting that what you're doing is right and that you always believe that you can handle anything.

I believe that most of us have been through a situation where we're scared to say even just a word. We're scared that people may judge us negatively. We're scared to change our appearance, to talk and give opinions and to socialize! I don't know how you handle this but it kinda troubled me a lot. I hate the feeling of having a low self esteem.

So, here's 10 tips on how to increase your confidence...

1. Dress up!
Doesn't mean that you have to be a total super model! Dress just enough to make you feel comfortable and feel good about yourself. Confident people always knew and believe that what they're doing is right. And they care less of what people said about how they look like. Being in the latest style is always great, but make sure that you feel good and look good in them.

2. Walk in confidence
The way people walks tells a lot on how and what do the person feels about themselves. People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see and work to do. Take note that confident people is often a busy person. This shows that they are somebody. Even if you are not in hurry, you can increase your confidence by putting some pep in your walk. Walking 25% faster will make you look and feel more important.

3. Act confident
Doesn't mean that you have to be drama queen or a total plastic. Act confident in here means that, act as though you are confident. Even though you're shrinking or dying inside and feel like running, act as though you are a brave person and that you know what you're doing. Stand up straight, keep your head up and make eye contact. You'll make positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

4. Believe in yourself
Believe that you are somebody and people will soon notice it as long as you did something about it. Failures may make us feel discourage of our own ability but always remember this, "There are no stupid or smart person, just the lazy and hardworking one." If we never give up, we can succeed. Bitterness teaches how the sweet would feels like and the great victory is is when we race on rough road.

5. Be yourself
'...I'm sure you got something, you'd like to change about yourself but when it comes to me, I wouldn't wanna be anybody else!'-says Selena Gomez. She's sure is very confident saying this. Despite through those spiky comments telling her that she can't sing, it doesn't stop her to be and do what she wanted. She also says, 'We got something we don't like, even Angelina Jolie'. Ha-ha. Nobody's perfect right? So why bother to be one? Believe that knowing that you aren't perfect shouldn't discouraged you but motivate you.

6. Think Positive
To yourself and to other people. When we think negatively on ourselves, we often project that feeling on others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle, make it a habit praising other people sincerely. Don't just merely praise people when what you're actually seeing is the opposite. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring the best in yourself.

7. Sit in the front row
People usually tends to sit at the back because they're afraid of being noticed. This shows the lack of self confidence. By deciding to sit at the front row, you can get over this irrational fear and build your self confidence.

8. Speak!
During group discussions, most people would chose to never to speak up. They're scared that people may judge them to say something stupid. Actually, people are more accepting than what we ever thought. In fact, most people are dealing with exactly the same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussions, you'll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers. By the way, if you even happen to say something stupid, just laugh with the flow and try again :)

9. Exercise
Physical fitness have a huge effects on self confidence. If you're out of shape, you'll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. Exercising will increase your physical appearance, energize yourself and accomplish something positive.

10. Focus not only to yourself
Focus on contribution. Too often, we caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrating on the contribution you're making to the world, you won't worry as much about your own flaws. This is will boost your confidence and allow you to contribute with the maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world, the more you'll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.

so... I guess that's all I could give. Hope it'll help! Good Luck!:)

Feeling Lonely?

2011-11-06T05:46:00.000-08:00

Alone...lonely...they're the same. Feeling lonely is such a horrible feelings. He says, it's "like a disease – it’s a feeling of being abandoned, not being heard, and not being acknowledge, it’s like you are invisible (nobody sees you – nobody sees the best of you, not even yourself), and its just terrible."

Loneliness filled our chest with so many unexplainable feelings and tangled our brain. And it makes me feel bad about everything. I just don't understand this feelings. I feel like I wanna cry. But sadly I can't even dropped a tear. I'm a tough kind. I cry like once a year. Usually for spiritual reasons.

Here I am, 46 miles from town, alone... The only person I saw in a day is my mom. I don't know what to do! Watch movies..naa.. I've watched them all. Playstation? I love only arcade and survival kind of games. So football or war, not really my type. Going somewhere? Shops perhaps? Naa... I don't like going anywhere in here. Nowhere.

In this situation, the only thing I can do is to play with my imagination. Actually, I'm kind of glad of this. Only in here, I get to think. Life in the city is totally different. There's no space to be alone. Everywhere is filled with sounds. Here, is where I get to think of all and everything that I've been through. I think of my crimes..(hehe, it's not actually that bad). The time when God had showed His miracles to me. And so on...

Why does loneliness scares us? Loneliness is like mirrors. It reflects our true self. Face it, only when were lonely, we really get to think about our own self. We used to think about other people. We care much of what did people do in their lives rather than what we did in our own lives. We focus too much on them. Their mistakes, their flaws, their negativity and care less about their deeds. While the only thing we care about to focus on our self, is our positiveness. But when we were alone, like I said, we get to think. This is one of the best time where our brain will do some flashbacks on everything. We usually avoid the dark side. Dark sides means, parts where we remembered how our heart was broken, parts where we lose someone we love, embarrassing moments and our crimes towards the Lord. And then, we have to face it all. That's why, we were filled with so much kind of feelings until the least we could do, is cry.

Overcome the bad feelings...
The mixed of feelings usually made us cry. It doesn't matter whether you cry from the inside or literally. The thing is, it makes us feel bad. The only way to overcome this is to face it. Face the fact that you were hurt by that someone and face the fact the you can't just forget and leave it. The more you fought your feelings to act tough, the bigger the holes inside became. And forgive. For God, ask for forgiveness from Him. Admit all your sins and ask for forgiveness.

Always be reminded that He won't let you stumble, your Guardian God won't fall asleep. Not on your life! Israel's Guardian will never doze or sleep. God's your Guardian, right at your side to protect you.

Psalm 121:3-5

Possessed

2011-11-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

I'm still not really sure whether or not should I share this. I think I'm still scared of what people might think of me. But, I know I should, it's the mark of the most blessed day of my life... to be free.

Who would ever thought that a girl like me that is totally normal are actually possessed? I talk normal, I think normal, I act normal and so on(or so I thought).

But last Thursday, on 3rd of November 2011, its already proven that I am not alone in this body.

That day, our Christian Group we're having a little party. As usual, we're having praise and worship, some games, bible sharing and finally our sharing. After sharing, we started to pray and singing worship songs. It was enjoyable and peaceful. But, I admit that there's a part of me that burned. Something in me hated what's going on.I fight my thought...

At first, I thought I can handle it as usual. Cause usually, our praise and worship ended about 10 to 15 minutes only. But on that blessed day, Holy Spirit joined us and we're praising for like 30 minutes without stopping! Something in me wanted to scream cause the heat somewhere in my chest is getting worst. And my head was filled with bad thoughts. I tried to fight it so bad. I kept praying and praying.

Soon, our worship leader told us to pray out loud our fear, our burdens and worry. That's when I discovered that I can't open my mouth! I tried so bad but I can't! I started whispering words that I never know. I don't understand what it is but its bad. It's telling me to stop worshiping and cursed all the blessed people around me, my friends and especially those whose leading us.

Still, I tried to fight until I felt I'm losing my self and I felt so weak. Soon, I found my self kneeling down. Still praying and fighting. I'm doing my best to pray and telling it to get out. But I felt so weak! I wanted to screamed for help, telling them to pray for me but I'm static. I can't move, I can't even move my lips!

Soon, the thing told me since when it lived in me. Ten years. Ten years it tempts me to sinned and cursed blessed people.

But, God had planned that, that day, I will be free.

I don't really know what's going on for I can't even open my eyes, but our seniors starts blessing each one of us. They're praying for us! I waited until it was my turn. I felt, someone knelt in front of me. With all my strength, I reached onto her, hugged her and whispered to her. I told her all about what the Demon had told me. And hoped she understand what I was saying cause I can feel my self vaguely talking under my breath. And she did. She starts praying and ordering the thing inside of me to leave me. From that, I lose track. I don't know exactly whats going on. All I know I was praying and hoping that she succeed. While I was still fighting the burning in me.

Then, I felt so weak. So weak that I think they thought I've knocked out. But I know the thing is still in me. The one who hugged me is starting to let me go. I pulled her back. I tried to tell her that it's still in me. But the only thing that I was able to do was squeezing her hand. She understands and continue praying.

The last thing I know was, I was hugging someone who never stops praying for me. Soon, I felt an overwhelming peacefulness in me. Then, I know, I'm free!!! Alleluia and Praise the Lord!

How did I know that I was possessed? That thing told me.

Years back, when I was six, I was possessed. The 'Bomoh' next door exorcist it(or so we thought). After that I continue my living, as a completely normal girl. But there are times when I'm very cruel. I have anger burning in me without reasons. It makes me cursing peoples when I can't do something to satisfy it. But I know exactly what I'm thinking and what I'm doing. But at times, I can't control it. I can do nothing about it. When all my crimes is over, I will freak out like I have no idea that I've ever done that.

I didn't know or even believed that there is actually something in me. How could I? To me, possessed people are those who screamed and go crazy and I'm not. I never did. But I'm the kind that loved spirituality, so I read a lot about it. And the hints they gave told me that there's something in me. But my ego made me ignore it.

Soon, one of my best friend, Varrelene, strengthen the fact when she told me that possessed people doesn't has to be those that screamed and go crazy. You could be a completely normal person, but at times, you can't control yourself and you know what exactly what you're doing.

I have to admit too, that when I successfully influenced people to sinned, I felt satisfied while part of me hated it.

Lastly, I thank the Lord so much for everything that he'd done for me. Thank you Jesus, thank you. I pray that may all my family and friends and those who have faith in You will never be in the same situation as me. Alleluia, Amen!!!

Inspiration Is Everywhere

2011-11-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

"In this time of fears, where prayer so often proved in vain..." says Mariah Carey. And she continues, "There can be miracles when you believe.."

Agree? I did. Very. If we look at those lines, she said that prayers these days, are in vain but we always have hope when we believe. I think she's right. Even Jesus always reminds us to keep strong faith and have hope to 'things' we didn't see.

I know, nowadays, it seems like everything is going wrong. Crimes, suicide, betrayal, wars is everywhere. In fact, there's not even a second in the world without something bad going on. Whenever we turned on the TV's, there's always things displayed which is not appropriate for children. Songs filled with 'F-' words followed by 'D-' and Jesus and God's name were misused plenty of time in movies. They said it like it's just someones name! Not that they don't know, but they just don't care anymore!

But take note that God never a second leaving us alone. He never even give up on us! Even though the world nowadays seems like in black and white, but there's rainbows around us if we look at it in a different ways. We think we're walking alone but actually we never walk alone even a second on our lives.

"sometimes you think you'll be fine by yourself.......but its harder to walk on your own.."-says Demi Lovato.

Often we believes that God is not with us because we think He didn't help us to overcome our issues and He didn't answer our prayers. But actually NO!! He did help! But often we don't see it or realize that the help was there!

Let me share some of my personal experience of how God had helped me and my friends.

In my school, we have a Christian Society group. I'm an active member in this group because here I found out that I can strengthen my relationship with My Savior. Our Savior. Here, I met few great friends who share the same believes as I did.

Few times, these great friends of mine shared how God had helped them. And how inspiring and funny and weird it was!

One of the sharing that I remembered was shared by my senior Jennifer. One day she said, she was travelling on her own back to her hometown at Telupid which is nearly about 100 miles from our town Sandakan. Since it was still along way to go, she decided that she wanted to sleep for a while. When she woke up, to her astonishment, she had missed Telupid for 14 miles already! She shrieked, "stop, stop, alaaaaa!!! I missed already!". The bus driver did feel sorry for her but he can do nothing to help her other than to drop her right there in the middle of nowhere. So she waited by the road for someone whose nice enough to pick her up. She can't call for her cellphone was out of battery. It was dead zone anyway so its still useless. She kept praying for God to sent someone to rescue her. She was scared! Of course she was, she had no companion and she was surrounded by jungles that was about thousands squares miles. Anything could happen to her, ANYTHING! But the Lord is with her. As she waited and praying, Suddenly, a motorcycle offered her a ride. She refuses. By the way, nowadays, we need to be careful to strangers. Soon, another tried but was declined. For three times she declined rides offers since it all comes from strangers. She almost lose hope. Fortunately, her uncle happened to pass her and pick her up. "Finally!!!" she thought. When she arrived to her destination, to her astonishment, the three peoples who offered her a ride were actually her relatives which she hasn't known exist yet. She felt embarrassed to the Lord. The Lord had sent her the help she needed three times but she refuses!

Often, we didn't realize that God is with us. Often also, the help comes at the last minute but always at the right times. Right? Do we realize that?

Also, in my own story, I often believes that God doesn't care about me and never listens to any of my prayers. Once, I always prayed that I wanted to know how to play guitar badly. I've tried to learned many times but to no avail. One day, My Christian teacher said to me, "Pray and trust me, there's nothing impossible with God". It makes me wonder 'really'? I did have doubt but I kept praying as my teacher told me to. Also, in that time, my idol was the Jonas Brothers. Nick Jonas once says, "music is my soul". I don't know how but it inspired me very much. So, I started to learn since he said that. I found that learning on how to play guitar is so hard! My finger ached! I can't remember the code and I can't balanced my strumming patterns! Often I bite my guitar and thought a lot about giving up. But my crazy obsessions on the Jonases raise my spirit to keep going on. I always wondered, 'why I'm so crazy of these guys, its useless!'. Soon, I finally can play. Then, my obsessions towards the brothers also reduced. When I thought about this, I felt funny of how weird and unexpected is God's ways to teach me on how to play guitar!

Even now, people felt weird of why I like Vin Diesel. Even I do actually. He's way older than me and bald so how did he caught my attention? Actually, I learned many things through him and he inspired me very much. Do you realize that in all his movies, he plays as a criminal but starring? He makes us feel that the bad are are the star. I did feel weird at first but soon, I got the message he's trying to say. He's trying to tell everyone that even the most useless, ugliest in society's eyes and no matter how bad or how small the person is, they still have hope to change and make a difference and be great if they have faith and there's always goodness in every human ever created even if its just a spark. We need to always be reminded that. 'One Little Gesture May Change The World'. It can be you or me. It can be just anyone!

Lastly, be reminded, inspiration is everywhere. We just need to look at it in a different way and not just by the eyes but through the heart.

Why We Can't Tell Our Secret?

2011-10-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

Secrets? Hmm... Just by the name of it, I'm sure everyone must got something rearing in their mind. Right? It's almost impossible that one's got no secrets at all.

Every one of us got secrets that we rather die for than letting them go. But for me? I'm not sure. I think I haven't reach the 'DIE FOR' level for my secrets yet. Maybe I have, few months ago. But it's funny to find out that the most shameful secrets I have had found its own way and finally reached the 1st person on the 'list' that shouldn't know it. I have to admit it is pretty embarrassing. But, what to do, it had happened and here I am, still breathing(Cheer for it). Once, I said to my self, "Gosh, I'm so gonna die if they know this!" and now, to my astonishment, I'm still walking, talking and my friends can still slap my nose!(means I'm still alive).

So what's secret all about and what makes it so hard to let people know it? We have secrets that we let certain people know it but there are also secrets that only ourselves and God know it.

Why? Why? Why?

First reason is because its embarrassing. To us. As we know it, the definition of secret is, things that people shouldn't know and only you know it. And there's many factors that makes it 'forbidden' for it to land on any ears. But this kind reason is actually the smallest 'why'. But we make it the biggest 'Why' for the sake of self pride which is actually people don't really care about.

The second is, it threat our positions. We are often afraid that when people sees the real us or the truth, they might back away. But actually, if those community that revolves around you is revolving for the sake of love, they actually don't care about your flaw. Instead what they were expecting from you is your true self and your love. But if they revolve around you because of your false pretenses, then you really should think of the next step and I wish you Good Luck :)

Third one is because its endangering our lives. Or the lives of our family, or friends, or our lovers such as wife, husband, boyfriend and etc. Depending on the person. As long as its between life and death. Now this, is pretty big. These kind of secrets usually rests on the shoulders of those whose involved and had problems with gangsterism, mafias, assassination and any of those that threat lives. It might sound funny to some us, but its true. There are some unfortunate people out there that has to live with these kind of secrets or else they'll fly to heaven before its time.

Through all of these, think back, is there a secret that you kept from someone that they deserve to know it? I know, 80 to 90 percent of us only kept kind of secrets that's on 'EMBARRASSING' label and these kind of secrets usually deserve to be known by some people(Or should I say, 'stop cheating' by short?).

Do you know that by keeping secrets, you are more likely to gossip? You want to tell at least someone that you are not satisfied with this 'someone' and it was misinterpreted as bad mouthing. Which usually happened.

My advice is, if you have secrets and was on the need to be told but you don't have the gut to do it, ask for advice from people you trusted which you're sure can help you or look for advice from trusted articles(Don't consider those who encouraged you to shot yourself on the head). Like what friends used to say when they couldn't answer our questions, 'Google it'. But! Be careful! There are large variety of articles out there. Find the one you're sure can help.

That's it, Good Luck earthlings!

Video: Special For The One I Love

2011-10-27T07:07:00.000-07:00

Crush? Love? Broken Heart?

2011-10-21T08:26:00.000-07:00

"It's disgusting, how I love you..God I hate it, I could kill you!" says Kesha. It's very funny that once this song had inspired me so much. What a significant this song can be to a broken heart and a crushing person. This song reminded me a lot of how once a guy had broke my heart so badly. I had a crush on this guy and he just happen to have girl already. I didn't know that for months. But it doesn't really matter since we never even have a real relationship. I randomly saw him even. But one day, this girl just happen to read 'our' chat on facebook and she's pissed(of course). I apologize to her. By the way, all the talk was all 'joke' can't she tell? And she didn't forgive(of course, again). I understand how she feel but she also must understand how I feel about this! I'm not trying to make her accept my apology, hey if I was in her shoe I'd probably hate on me too!

My aunt says, "It's your fault cause you shouldn't be friendly or too friendly with a guy who already had someone, or sublimate in their relationship. But I'm not saying that they don't have fault in this also." True enough, I did have a mistake and well, lesson learned I guess. So what is 'his' fault in this? Well, I bet he can tell that I'm in love with him but he's an ass! And after what happened, no one make a sound! He didn't apologize. Well, why would he? He's an ass after all. I'm not dreaming for it anyway. So me? One might wondered if I did have a second thought to be a lesbian after what happened and I tell you, HAHA, no. I'm not gonna let an ass guy turned my life into total crap.You can tell how embarrassed I was when this happen and how sad I was for her. I know how she feel, seriously. And I'm also glad that she forgive him. She should. Message to her: DON'T LET ANY SLUT STEAL YOU SWEETHEART! And sorry if you think I am one of them but I hope you don't judge me. You don't know me.

But this article is not about ME sharing my past on my crazy farewell of love. What messages I'm trying to pass in this article is that, I want all girls out there to be strong! It doesn't matter on what situation you were. Whether you're on crush, in love or broken hearted, just, BE STRONG!

If you're on crush, you need to stay conscious. Don't be too dreamy about it. I know, what a mess your head is right now but there is also positive side about it? Agree? It gives us inspiration to poet, to sing, makes you strum your guitar until the strings break and make your day lights up! The sight of your crush is a world to you and talking to him is like the most wonderful happening in your life! I know, I know. I've been there too. When I was in this situation, I admit I dig the web on what to do next! I think I'm screwed! Should I confessed it? Should I just leave it like that? Should I this and that? And most sounds like this, "Go for it girl! Remember, Cinderella doesn't wait for her Prince, she go for it!" and other few tips on 'How To Tell Your Crush' yadda-yadda. I almost convinced by them but my heart believes this, "Just listen to your heart and you'll find the answer". And I did. I just wait and see and now the result is not just too vivid but freaking crazy too. Luckily I did that. Wonder what will happen if I confessed? Haha, I don't know. The result must be even funnier!

If you're in love and was in really good, wonderful relationship. I'd say, stay strong and be like that forever! Maybe your relationship might crack a bit because of some side problem but don't let it ruin your world with him! Unless, he's an ass, then you really should leave him. Hints: if he hurt you more than 3x, you really should leave him. Keep in my mind that "YOU DESERVE BETTER". Never let anyone, ANYBODY mistreat you for your kindness and love.

And for the broken-hearted out there, you're the one who really should stay strong! So, he break your heart? Mistreat you? Cheat on you? And you've been so nice and had loved him with all your heart? I tell you, shame on him. He really should sit around and think about this. "You don't know what you got until it's gone" says Nick Jonas. True enough. A lovers is easy to find but a TRUE lovers may appears once in a lifetime:)

In the nutshell, be strong girls! I know some might believe that all guys are the same and all are a total losers, but have faith. 'If few apples are rotten, doesn't mean all the apples in the basket are rotten'. So, guys, don't mistreat our faith! I agree to Jordin Sparks when she said, "No matter what you said about love, I keep coming back for more" and let's keep on that faith:)

Lesbian

2011-10-20T23:42:00.000-07:00

Here's another article about lesbians under a special requests from my friend Elul and the others.

Lesbian is a term most widely used English language to describe sexual and romantic desire between females.The word may be used as a noun to refer to women who identify themselves or who are characterized by others as having the primary attribute of female homosexuality, or as an adjective, to describe characteristics of an object or activity related to female same-sex desire.

The word "lesbian" is derived from the name of the Greek island of Lesbos, home to the 6th-century BCE poet Sappho.

So how to identify a lesbian? This issue had been buzzed around the planet for decades. Actually, there is no actual ways to identify them. Some says, they wore one earrings on either side. I don't know. I think gays are easier to identify. For instance, if we saw girls holding hands or hugging, chances that they are lesbians are low. This is because girls are born this way! They're open and not all girls that happens to holding hands are lesbian. I always holds hands with my best friends or even friends so am I a lesbian? NO. Even though I happen to be in a convent school, its good that so far guys still manage to impress me and I still love guys. By the way, I saw no point of being less.

So, what cause them to be a lesbian? sources said that, lesbian and gays are different. Well, of course they are. But different here is that, male sexuality is different from female. It said that, "sexual attraction in many women seems to be more malleable".

So what actually is causing them to be a less? Is it just happen to be "I kissed a girl and I like it" says Katy Perry?
Again, this puzzled us. Sources said that, this may be the result of sexual assault by men thus they found that men do them no good at all. They found that women are better, understanding, more caring and plus, they know that women won't or can't hurt them the way men do. By the way, woman can't rape them the way man can. Or maybe they can, but I'm sure it won't as hurt as the way man do. Not to mention emotional effect that man can leave after sexual intercourse. They also found that man are losers.

If based on my own personal experience with the people around me, they said they become a lesbian after being deceived by their boyfriend. Emotional depression by short. Some are lack of knowledge about guys. They've grown up in convent schools so they never had an experience to be close with other guys, real people. They only heard news of how bad guys were, rape, murder, abuse and this freaked them out. But the truth are, not all guys are that bad. Other reasons were undefined. I guess they have their own reasons. Some don't even know why or how they happened to have romantic feelings on girls. Maybe its like Katy Perry's hit after all.

So, gay and lesbian, we all know that both are religiously wrong. But, who to blame? They even confessed that they never meant to be born that way. If they can't change themselves, so who can? The only thing we can do now is, pray for them.

How To Identify A Gay

2011-10-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

On a special requests, my friend Elly want me to write about gays as a general knowledge. So, here are they...

How to identify a gay? A guy who keeps looking at any good looking guys are most probably a gay. Normally, they can be found in gyms and pubs where as we know, there were many guys scattered around. Other common characteristics of gays are, they have a well build bodies, short hair and most of them wore jewelries like earrings. Most of gays are pretty good looking too! And have a well build bodies. Reasons, they're trying to prove that they are straight. Most gays attracted to muscular man so maybe this is one of the reason why gays keep a well build body. They also tend to get close to man in a group of people in a flirty way. They treat guy as a girl and hates women. Many women like them, but they doesn't care about them. Some of them may have a girlfriend or even a wife! But they tend to spend more times with their male friends. Apart from that, they also tries to touch a guy whenever they had a chance to and they found there's nothing interesting about women, at all! Not just that, they also complimenting guys beauty mostly their muscles constantly. And the most funny thing is that, they spend most time taking care of their facial! But don't get me wrong, not all the beholders of the characteristics I stated are gays, but some may. Actually it’s very hard to tell sometimes, like knowing who has aids, because nowadays homosexuals do not necessarily adopt a certain kind of look or behaviour. I once spoke to this person who told me he was gay, got me surprised because he certainly looked very “straight”!

Is it okay to be a gay? In my opinion, definitely NO! Sorry, I'm not trying to offense anybody but still, no. Why? Simply because I think gay is just disgusting! Sorry...But yes! It humiliate man nature. Nothing is more pathetic than discovering a good looking guy with muscular body which is, the quality I always attracted to end up to be a gay! I can't even imagine Vin Diesel to be a gay..duh! I might shattered into billions of pieces if he is. Well...there are rumors that he is but I don't believe them. Not because I can't take it but they just don't have evidence! Well if you have one, give it to me. By the way, rumors are still rumors until a real source confirm they are real along with thick evidence in sight. And what makes it funnier is that, those people misinterpret the 'gay' they meant. Actually, what they're trying to say is Vin is a gay person whereas on the other words a jolly person.

Moreover, its kind of sad that these gays are particularly very good looking. Very attractive and of course, muscular but again, they're gay. huhu.... here are few examples that make me sad...

Adam Lambert

Funny facts about Vin Diesel

2011-10-16T03:46:00.000-07:00

I felt deadly bored staring at these four walls. I thought I was going to pull all my hair off! But then, I wonder around the web and found jokes scattered around about Vin!!! Here are few the best I'd like to share. Most jokes about Vin Diesel because well, I was digging about him before the link I found leads to another and another and another! But mostly I picked about him cause I can't get what the other jokes means. Anyway, if you're interested, just click here.

*In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

*Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

*Only once has Vin Diesel ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

*Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.

*There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.

*Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

*"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"

*When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

*The popular video game "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.

*Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and
punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

The Four #1: Clare

2011-10-13T07:35:00.000-07:00

Logging in..... Come on.... I only have for like 2 minutes to send this message to Leela before I get caught for using the computer at this late hour.

Finally I could see my facebook wall. My eyeballs eyeing the monitor, up, 9 notifications. I feel tempted to check them but NO, I can't take the risk! I typed 'Leelawathy' and click her name. Suddenly, "blunnggg". A chat!
Geez.. why now? I thought. I look up and obviously no one notice it. I look at the 'chatter'. Beverly. I intend to ignore. Not important. I thought. I clicked the chat box and leave it, unread. I want to continue my mission and it is to send this message to Leela. But the chat keep on 'blunnnnnnnging' and by now there were 7 chats, and the sound echoed around the living room!

Geez... what is wrong with her? I was furious, nervously slowed down the volume. No, I muted it. I looked up, sharping my sense of hearing. In any minute my dad could caught me and-Hell, who knows what will happen next.

Finally, I've sent the message. Safely pressing the button 'send' and leaned against the hard plastic, chair. I saw the chat. Beverly's. Should I read it? The numbers increasing, 8,9. I was about to log out when a thought struck me, Maybe I should just read it and say goodnight then go offline. I click the chat and it struck me, "Hey, I just chatted with Kent and I mention you!" Followed by, "Hello???? anybody there?" Then, "Geez..where r u?", "testing.....", "1", "2", "3...". Then followed by the last two, "Okay, you're not there so we talked about this tomorrow K...", "Goodnight and have a beautiful nightmare!".

I was dumbstruck! Kent? After a while? Why did this happen now? Why did she talked about him? And why did they even chat? Question by question hit my brain like a drum. I don't know what to think! And suddenly I heard footsteps. That's it, times up! I logged out as fast as I could and shut down the computer immediately. Thousands of excuses running through my mind.

As I head for the stairs, I saw Bridget, my younger sister-youngest, on top. Rubbing her eyes. "Go to sleep Bridget." I said pushing her aside. "Mei-mei..." she called, still rubbing her eyes. "what?" I turned around. "I want to eat curry maggie, cook it for me." she ordered in a soothing voice. "Geez... are you dreaming? It's in the middle of the night!" I declined. "Who cares? I want to eat it and I want it now!" she demanded. "Oh shut up Bridget and go to bed" I said. But she didn't give up and called me again, "Clare!" her voice raised, not too loud. I look back again, "What?" I raised my voice too. "I know what you just did and I'm going to tell mum and dad and you'll be dead by the next morning!" she threatened me. "Oh, yeah? And I'm going to tell them that you've passed you're bedtime too and you won't see the sunrise by the next morning I swear."

But she haven't given up, "Then we both will be dead and why don't we spare each others life?" she said. "And what is that supposed to mean?" I said. "Well, you cook my maggie and I'll let you go online for more minutes or hours if you want..." she try to seduced me. I give her a smirk and said, "And how are you going to do that? By giving mum and dad pills so they won't woke up?". "No, I'll guard the stairs and if they happen to woke up, I'll do my part to give you just enough time to shut down the PC."

"And how would I explain of being downstairs?"

"Well... say that you're drinking water and we'll both pass.."

"and what you would say for being at the stair yourself?"

"Told you, I'll do my part."

I thought for a second, Hmm.. that would do. Besides I do wanna know what Beverly was talking about and cooking the friggin' maggie is not that hard. That'll worth it. By the way, I don't have to worry about getting caught. Bridget? She's a drama queen and the best at bargaining. I bet, she could beat Captain Jack Sparrow with her irresistible bargain. After a moment I agreed and hurried downstairs to complete my part. She waited at the stair to guard.

As I finished, I turned on the computer again as she having her meal. At the stair. As I logged in, I quickly hurried to the online list and unfortunately Beverly is not in the list. I hesitated. I decide to send her a message instead. "What about it?" I wait for her but she didn't get online. Asleep already. Probably. Besides, tomorrow is Monday, the freakiest day of all day.

"Mei-mei... I've finished. So how long you're going to stare at the monitor as I guard the stair for you?" she asked. "No. You don't have to. Have you washed your dishes?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Let's go to bed then."

I logged out and we both hurried upstairs and separated just above to our room.

That night, I couldn't sleep. My hearts pounding hard. I don't know why. Is it because I'm excited to ask Beverly about what she's talking about? No, I feel mad about that. So what? Am I excited because it's Kent. Is that it? I'm excited about him?

Not long, I've fallen asleep with that thought.. I sank deeper..and deeper...

************************************

"Mei-mei...Mei-mei... Up.. It's late." I hear Abigail's voice. I don't feel like waking up. But suddenly, "Kent!". That thought made me jumped out of bed. I look at the clock. I was indeed late. I hurried to get ready for school.

By 6.20am, we're still waiting at the bus stop. And obviously, no one was there cause of course, its late. I was a little worried of course but I'm still glad that I have time to think before I actually met Beverly.

My mind started to ponder...

What could she'll be asking later? And what could she had found out last night. About him. About me. Urrghh... I hate this. I imagined her, waiting for me to shot me with riffle's of questions. Geez..I can't imagine that. No, I can. Beverly... she just so...she's so... I don't know why I can't escaped her once she targeted me. Once she suspected you have a secret, she'll make you spill it. She'll tangled you up until you could do nothing but telling her the truth. Lie? I think I can't do that either. I've done that. Many times and she found out! Even as I said it, she'll know whether I'm lying or not on the spot. Its like she have power to read minds! She can even know just by looking that you have something in mind. A secret, a thought of someone. And once she guessed who that someone is, its always right. And when that happens, its hard to deny it. Not in front of her. Actually telling her the truth is not really a problem. She's good at keeping secrets. She just wanna know. I don't know why others life seemed to fascinated her. But she---- That's right! she never told us about anything! She knows our story but we don't know hers! Geez.. how could I never thought of this. Maybe because she's too loud and freggin' cheerful that none of us haven't notice that we, don't know anything about her. Something deeper about her like how she know us. How could...----

"Bus, finally!" Abigail's voice cut my thoughts.

************************************

As I entered the class, true, as I imagined. There she was, grinning. flashing a smile that actually freaks me out just like Mondays.

'Kringgggg!!!!!'

The bells ring. Fortunately.... All the students hurried to the school hall to have an assembly. Having what which makes me hate Monday-duh. I look at her, she was talking with Sherlyn. As they always do everyday. I hope she forgets. I thought.

We walked down the corridor heading for the hall. Suddenly, I felt arms around my shoulder. I knew, its her. As she began to speak, I take a deep breath. "Happy Monday Clare........

To be continued......

Next
The Four#2: Sherlyn's point of view
The Four#3: Beverly's point of view

This story was a total made up. So don't freak out okay :)

Wonderful Unique Arts

2011-10-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

There's just so much creative ideas on this planet! Check out these unique wonderful arts! Enjoy!

Escaped From Torture Land

2011-10-10T04:08:00.000-07:00

One last look.... finally I'm free!!! Examination is such a torture! Agree? Only geeks loves them. Me? I'm 50/50(half geek, half naughty), so I can feel the pain! With examination around the corner, I feel limited to move. Can't do this, can't do that....duh! cause the guilty feelings hounds me the whole time!

Up to the bright side, no exams means freedom. Freedom means more free time, more free time means more activity, more activity means more events, and more events means more crap to stuck inside this blog!
There's just so much thing to do! At least the things that I love..hehe..

The nearest events would be 'girls outing' and that would be the very tomorrow!!! I hope there's nothing lie in the way :)

In the meantime, embrace the moments!!!!

P.S To all Malaysian's 15th's, let's celebrate!!!