How to be truly happy

Friday, 8 March 2013

Many of us wonders why life isn't fair? Why do certain people get everything good, and some, not? Or worse, why do sometimes it seems like, happiness only happen to certain people, but never on you. You wonder, why, what, and how these people manage to cope with life?

Actually, it's not about fate that determines our happiness. The main keys towards happiness is gratefulness, and a contented heart.

*These all are not professional facts but are genuinely based on my own experiences and consciousness.*

1. Being grateful
The first key are by being grateful. Most of  us focused on our deficiency, failures, and frustration too much. Failures to achieve the desired grades, failures in relationship, and many other factors until we missed the good things that is already in our hands.

Take this as example, you are single and most of your friends, aren't. One sad lonely night, you felt so incredibly sad and lonely! You have no one to talk to! No one to share your weight of mind, and no one to give you comfort and love. Then, you remembered your friend of whom you know are going out with her/his boyfriend/girlfriend tonight and you remembered all the wonderful, romantic stories that your friend are telling you about their dates. Then you thought, "why I never get the chance to experience like that? Am I not pretty enough? Why do nobody wants me? Am I born unlucky? Am I, not worthy enough? Why, why, Why???". Then you started to feel that life was unfair and started to create a set of mind that you, are, miserable. 

Actually, you are none of the above. It's not that you are ugly, unlucky, or are not worthy enough that define your life. Have you ever take a glance over a not so attractive couple at the park or restaurants? Or maybe, only the girl/boy that is attractive and their partner are just plain looking but they looked so happy. Now, what do you think? Does looks count? No. Maybe attractiveness does make a difference, but they are not the main factor. You might asked yourself now, "Then why can't I have a good partner too?" or "Then why nobody likes, or wants to be with me?". Well, pause a while, and rewind. Nobody likes you or wants to be with you huh? Think back, remember the guy/girl that offers you to dinner last time? Or the desperate guy/girl who keeps calling or texting you but you never care? Or maybe, an incredibly nice friend from the opposite sex who was always there for you and always offers themselves to help you? Or the last guy/girl who offers a relationship, but you, rejected him/her? That's right. You overlooked them. Actually, it's not that the chances never get to you, it's you who blocked them all away out of your ego and  unconsciousness.

Or maybe, you started to remember your miserable past relationships and how terrible your love story is. You grieve over the lost of the one you love and thought why should that happen to you. You love them dearly, but they in return, chose to left you. You are frustrated, and sad (Of course). You grieve and grieve and thought about the loss and how much you love and adore the person and wonder why they still don't love you anyway. You thought, life sucks.

Well, stop there. Read back, "...You grieve and grieve and thought about the loss and how much you love and adore the person and wonder why they still don't love you anyway...". Do these people really worth your time, your love, and your attention? The answer is a big "NO". These people are not necessarily bad. You also believe so. They just can't see and understand what they mean to you yet. So you keep hoping and hoping that one big glorious, magical day, they'll see your sacrifice and love, then may as well, will finally love you back. Well, back to reality pals. YOU CAN NEVER FORCE THEM TO LOVE YOU EVEN IF THE MOON COMES DOWN TO EARTH. Maybe, they does love you, but it's not enough to make them stay with you. Maybe, you are not what they are looking for in lovers. 

So how to solve this? Well, firstly, accept the fact that you are not meant together no matter how big your hope and dreams is. I know, I know. That sucks and are incredibly hurtful right? But yet, think back, which is more hurtful? Keep on hoping though you know the truth or accept the fact and move on? The first options may sound more optional but they are there for the long run and will keep throbbing your heart like cancer. The second one? Scary, and sad, but it may open the door to many other possibilities in your life. Allow yourself to experience other experiences. There so much that you are yet to explore in this short life. Remember, life's too short to grieve.

Now look on the bright side. If you think life sucks, then life sucks for everyone. Ask anyone, no matter how victorious their life seems like, which one of them never felt lonely, left, rejected, and heartbroken? If they are human, they did ever felt that. But they manage to overcome it all and turned out to be admirable instead, because they chose to  be strong and did not let themselves be buried under frustrations. 

So how to be grateful? I was taught this method for when praying. Maybe you don't pray. But I tell you, prayer does help a lot for you to see the bright side in life. I was taught that before going to sleep, to remember all the good things that happen today and be thankful for it. Even the little things such as, "Thank you that today, you have given me a chance to still hear the voice of the old friend of mine." because they called you today and you haven't seen them in awhile and you know that you miss them. This way, you will be more conscious about what really makes you happy. Thus, you may also notice all the great things that you have but may have overlooked it. Like for example, having all your beloved family all around you, having awesome friends, a proper education, was financially stable, and for your peaceful environment.

2. Being contented
The main factor that you may not experience full happiness, is because you are not contented. You are always frustrated because nothing ever goes your way. 

Example, you are aiming for and A+ in an examination for certain targeted subjects. However, the paper were extremely difficult! In the end, your result was only a C+! But you are the only one that passes the paper! But yet, you don't get your goal. You are happy, but yet are not contented.

Or maybe, you have someone that you are really close to ie. bestfriend or partner. You are happy, of course. But then, you are still hoping that this person behave in certain ways. Maybe there's something that you want them to do or be but they never does that.

Well, I have been in this *facepalm*. Embarrassing but I'm sharing it anyway for your lesson. Well I have a close friend, significantly from the opposite sex. A perfect friendship but then one day, out of a sudden came this doubt in my head. I thought that he just don't care enough about me. And many other things run in my head. I tried to convinced my self and believe that they are not overall true. Or best, not true at all. But then, I seemed to found fault in everything and was terribly upset! *stupid* I confront him, but we did not argue. Then, I started to realize that I was expecting too much from him. Out of my dissatisfaction, I almost let go one the most incredible person I could ever made friendship with. Apart from that, I also wasted so many days of getting angry and upset.! LOL.

I learned that dissatisfaction happens when we have high expectations. When we set our hopes too high, the probability of being frustrated will also be high. So, in order to be contented, it is best to have no expectations at all but still do your best. Think both ways such that, "how will I feel if things doesn't work out and what reaction should be best to put in?" and, "why do I want it to be that way? Is it best?"

In conclusion, I learned that I should be fully contented with what I already have if I wanted to experience real happiness. Despite for the imperfection of that friend of mine, I should be really grateful for that friendship anyway. How many people are lucky enough to experience such friendship? Not much. So why, because of the little things that he fail to do, I should blew the friendship away? Everyone is imperfect. And so am I. But only through imperfection we may learn something. Imagine having everything perfect in your life. Trust me, it would be boring.*wink* 

*Love yourself*

Authoress: Beverly


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