Us and our life here...

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

From left: Me, Clare
Little girls away from home... Sob sob... Well, I know we're not really that little, but but... We have little hearts *Cryyyy* ----- hahaha

So, here we are, finally studying in University. Its every students ambition to be able to study until this level. Well actually, everyone can get into University, the thing that makes a difference is whether you can get scholars or not and yes, it does makes a HUGE difference. So my dear juniors, do study well!

So here's our story...

Eyup... I'm stuck with this girl blepp... haha. Let's have a brief introduction of her..

Name : Clare Edralynne
Age : Same with me :P
Status : My best friend ... Duhh~~

Erm... I guess that's all about her...

First of all, we'd like to say sorry that we weren't able to have proper goodbyes with everyone *Cryyyy* We're very busy during our last two weeks before we leave. And here's the funny part, we didn't actually plan to be in here. We're here because... well, let's just say that it's God's plan? :) So, during our last two weeks back in Sandakan, our days are packed with registering, packing, and do whatever it is needed to complete our forms. In that two weeks, I can't count how many days I slept at Clare's to settle down everything huhhhhh~~

A day before leaving for Kota Kinabalu, I slept at Clare's because her dad was going to drove us to the airport. It was sad to have everyone who happened to know that we're leaving were saying goodbyes. Some cries which also makes us cry too tears~ tsk..tsk... I really appreciate all of the goodbye texts.  It's hard to leave. But... We still have too :( If I were to follow my heart, who wants to further study? I'd rather get married :P

On the way to KK

What saddened us more, on our way, we saw Varrelene (One of our best friend) who happened to go to the same destination. Our heart was very heavy as we wave at her in the car.

Stopped for sinalau bakas. I miss it.... tsk.. tsk...
Anyway, at the airport we started to know some people who were in the troop. The Lincoln's to be. All of them are KK residents. Only me and Clare came from Sandakan.

On the flight...

Bye bye Sabah and everyone and everything that we love in it :'(

To be honest... we don't feel much mainly because we're too tired and busy sorting things out and our feelings was last in the list to deal with. But yet, we don't feel anxious, excited or anything. It kinda feels like we're only leaving for nowhere far from home. We had fun laughing and learning new things to be independent and yeah knowing many kind of people too. We met and deal with lots of stranger and made many friends along the way.

Some of the people that I manage to have selfies with...
 That girl behind me is Florence. Her face features reminds me of my sister a lot. 

 From the back, Kamilah then Sherence who happens to be our housemates.

Clare with her cousin, Sharmaine

 Gordon, her another cousin

Left: Lylyvia, Clare, Kamilah, Sherence, Esrine, Me, Danielle and Sylvia
 Housemates after grocery. But three of them had already moved. Leaving Sherence, Sylvia, Kamilah, Clare and I.
With Danielle

With Clare and Esrine

With Lylyvia

 And yepp, Ezra's kitty is one on the list as strangers that I've just met :3

 With Ezra my cousin

My team during orientation
 That awesome clown is my masterpiece and it scored the highest *Big smile ahahaha

 Mass at Divine Mercy Church with Clare's uncle, his son, his daughter and Gordon

With my sweet cousin, Charmaine


with Clare's cousins
Mass at Assumption Church

Moving on...

So... If I were asked, how does it feels living in KL, to be honest it feels the same. The only difference is the choking price tags everywhere especially for groceries. Homesick? Yeah but not to the point that we turn miserable until our hair falls out kinds of homesick. We miss everyone and Sabah but chill out! It's not like we are staying here forever. For sure, we are going home! Lighten up love ones. 

The people here are nice (Thank God for that__I was expecting racist weirdos you know). Our house and campus are nice... Everything is nice! The only thing that's missing are our families, beloved friends, loved ones oopsss, MONEY and oh, fresh foods (=..=")

Here are the answer to the most asked questions that we have...

1. How are you guys?
Answer: Fine. No worries *Big Smile*

2. Don't you guys misses home?
Answer: Well, of course we do but we barely have time for dealing with homesickness as we're too busy studying and handling our financial... Buying groceries... and cooking goshhhh I need to get married quick! *Cryyy

3. Why did you chose Lincoln?
Answer: Because... err... they offered us scholarships? And, they have the courses that we're interested in. And yeah, it's God's plan :)

4. What course are you taking?
Answer: Foundation in Science for dentistry. 

5. Is it hard?
Answer: Nope! If you're hardworking... hehe  Well, to be honest, I'm not really a hardworking type so... hehe

6. Did you have culture shock?
Answer: Yeah! Price tags shocked... (=..=") Culture? Nope. Not at all. Come on people its still Malaysia. It's not like we're in UK or something. lol. The most obvious difference is this place is crowded with Indians. That's all...

7. When are you coming back to Sabah?
Answer: After we finish our foundation which is next year. Yepp, we're going to rot here for holidays... (~T_T~)

8. Hows the food?
Answer: Horrible! Not fresh+expensive+small in quantity

9. Did you enjoy being there? Nightlife?
Answer: Yeah totally!! We enjoyed sleeping and online all day...  LOL. No lah... We are not interested in shopping or nightlife or what-so-ever. We prefer sleep :D

10. What do you think of the malls?
Answer: Boring. Price tags everywhere ($_$) what's so exciting about it anyway??

To summarize, there's nothing much to show or tell 'cause well, we're here for studying. So we're not really looking forward to waste our time and our family's money on unnecessary things. For me, I just wanna get over all of this as quick as I can so I can get married! Yeyyyyyyy!!!  Haha kidding. Come on... everyone knows that books and pens are such a pain in the ass. But its too pathetic to not to further your studies when you already spent 11 years of your life just to get in here. You fight and fight to do well back in school. A lot of energy and brain cells died in the process. Well, not really die, they're just I don't know how to express... Tired? _(.-.)_ 

But five months of honey-boring-moon of waiting SPM results had rejuvenated my energies back. So, I'm on the READY mode for another fight! Jyeahhhhhhh *Round of applause pleaseeee

But sometimes...

Waves of homesickness might hit and a sudden tears may roll... During times like this, Clare and I would cuddle together and cry  (~>_<~) We're lucky to have each other to go through this. Anyway, do pray for us! And we misses you all! Huhuhuhuhu... If we were to list who you all are, the list will go hundreds or maybe thousands (@.@) 

I think that's all from us... If you have any requests on topic that I should posts, do leave a comment or contact me in any way that you can. 

Loves from us! XOXO

What should I do after SPM?

Monday, 24 March 2014

Life life life !!! You can choose to get drown or fight to swim to the surface and survive. Now I'm 18, officially a young adults, and honestly, I still had no idea about life. It's funny to think that I'm too tired to continue living. We had had our SPM results last 20th March, it was quite good for me. However I do aware of those unsatisfied people because of our SPM last year was fairly unfair. Yes, I do honestly admit that it was in fact, unfair. Very. But what to do? That's what happen in our batch and we're just merely victims of the consequences. If you were in our shoes what would you do? Okay, I don't care what you do and you can stomp your feet or bang your head to the wall and that won't change anything. Past is past.

To be honest, I still had no idea what to do after this. I had applied a few, and I'm leaving it all into God's hand. I really wanna express what I had go through for the last 8 month and what I have learned through it, but I just can't find a word to describe it! And by the way, my English is getting worse *huhh* It's kinda hard to get my self focused and remember things. My brain is just, untrained! Well, that's understandable since what I do since the last 4 months just after SPM is struggling in my personal problem. It's sickening.

I tried to observe the adults, what did they actually do and what is their target in this life actually? What are they aiming for? Well, during school life, I am guided. Everyone is aiming for the best grades and excellent performances and all we have to do is follow the steps we are told in order to reach that aim. Then what happen after school? All I see is that, most of us are lost. No directions and I know why, we don't know what we actually want. During school life, everyone is pushing us to have ambitions so that when we came to this phase of life, we will know what to do. Well honestly, I don't see how that helped at all.

Just thought about it, since we were little, all in our head is that, we want to be what we thought cool in our eyes and to the society where we will be praised and looked up to. And what's that? Oh well you know... rockstars... celebrities... models. That's fine, we still can make money with that. But then, we aren't guided towards our ambitions. You see, you don't blow your head with addmaths, physics, chemistry, and biology stuff just to get on stage and bang your head with the music. I kinda question this a lot when I'm still in school. And I remember those times where the teachers would ask the class what is their ambitions and when I said I wanna be a flight attendant, everyone laugh. Why? Because we were in science class and I'm among those good students so everybody thinks that it's kinda ridiculous. They said, "Why do you wanna be the attendant when you are able to become a pilot?". Well, because that's what I wanna do! I wanted to wear cool uniforms and attend people and not get stuck with the gears and fly the plane itself.

Actually, they kinda think it's a waste I struggle to achieve good grades just to be something that only need lower requirements. Well, to be a flight attendant all you need is to be excellent in your languages, meet the physical requirements and that's all. What for you kill yourself in science stuff when it's not even what's needed. But hey, in school, science stream is the coolest class and when you're in that class, of course you want to be the top too. Honestly, that's all I know. To do the best with what I have.

But now, I seriously had no idea what is the best anymore. Is it to become a Doctor? Engineers? Dentists? I know what you think, all those are bests. But then, there's something else to consider. The job demands, the pay, and how it will affect your life afterwards. You see, to become an engineer you may always be in fields, and what about your time to be at home and chills? Though the pay is handsome but is it worth my good time with my family and friend? Where am I gonna spend my money anyway without them. To be a Doctor, you may always be on call. Dentists is the best, but then it's hard to get a place. You can't be all of those too if you don't come from wealthy family and to get a scholarship plays with fate as well. The competitions have to be considered as well. And honestly, without real hard work and sacrifices, being all those wouldn't mean a thing. They say, if you are aiming for the moon so that if you miss you might hit a star, then make sure you have enough strength to make your arrows of 'strive' reach the sky first.

So dear friends and family, who had just got your results and are looking for your next direction, consider these things for your choice of careers. Your passion, your abilities and capabilities (Your real capabilities okay), the job demands, the pay, and how it may affect your life afterwards. Choose wisely, and once you have made your choice, do it, finish it! Don't do things in halfway manners. Be completely certain of what you are doing and you will appear strong and inspire others. *SMILE*

It's holiday!

Thursday, 23 May 2013

Heyyo fellas! Here we are! It's the semester break man! Weeeehooooo! If you are a Malaysian student, you  have a reason to jump on your bed with Dance Again-Jennifer Lopez's song! Aweeeeyeahhhh! ! !

Haha. What makes me happy most is the fact that semester one examination had passed. Can you believe it? Three weeks being mentally brutally tormented, I finally get over it! Hahh~ life as a Form 5 student is totally such a torture.

So, the fact that holidays are here, I am now trapped in a dilemma on what to do with it. Ugh~ I'm kinda sad and frustrated because a lot of plan didn't work out but yeah, there's nothing I could do about it anyway. It's funny when I felt like throwing punches and screamed and maybe felt like crying when what I've been hoping for to have this holiday, none of them worked out. But still, I can never change God's will. I know I shouldn't blame anybody anyway for any failure in anything. Been thinking about working out new plans though to make this holiday bloom! Oh-yeahhh.

I just hope that I can find courage to reconnect with people and lighten up a bit my cyber life considering that  they were almost dead because I'm too busy with school.

And oh! Just now, I had a short nap over frustration and guess what! I had a dream... and it teaches me something! The details are private, but the messages are like this, "Never let your own selfish wills exceeds your love". To elaborate, it tells me that I shouldn't let my frustrations over the smallest things ruin everything. Just because I felt unsatisfied, I started to blame and forgotten all the blessings that God had given me. Those blessings where He had given chances to know and be connected to such an unusually nice friend, and sweet as well as caring in his own ways. :) There might be more awesome people out there, but I do believe that none of them have the same characters as he does. God also had blessed me with chances to live memories that I will not have with other people other than this one friend of mine. So what can be more incredible than that? So, I woke up, filled with feelings of forgiveness, love and a new awareness! What an another beautiful blessing!

The best feelings is when you
realize your blessings :)

Are you sure that you're not desperate?

Saturday, 18 May 2013

Lately, it seems like everyone is trying to tell the world that behind their smile, they're crying inside. It's pretty much sounds like this, "Behind every smile is a heart that is broken with tears".

Okay, I can relate. I mean, yeah, I believe in this life everyone had felt that way in one way and another. But hey, putting that as your bio or self description on your profile? What are you trying to say? I'm sure that you want people to know that you're broken inside, yes, but what are you expecting?

Most of the people who's been doing this are girls. I admit, I did retweet those quotes in twitter countless times and like statuses that sound pretty much like that in facebook. But that's because I can relate. I'm sure, sometimes you do that because actually you're trying to tell someone that you're hurt because of them but you hide it all in your smile. You can't tell the person exactly how you feel and it broke your heart the person seems to did not notice that they had hurt you. So, you posted those lines in your facebook status and may as well, tweet it in hope that, 'that someone' saw it and can relate so that they'll understand what they did.

But then, you realize, that the person hasn't change! You started to think, "Hmm.... maybe he didn't saw it." So, you put it in your bio in twitter or put it as your cover photos in facebook! So that, this time, there's no reason that the person will NOT SEE IT! So you waited... Hours passed... Days passed... and weeks passed... And what do you get?

It may result in two ways, bad way, the person did not realize it at all. Good way, the person finally realize it on one magically day and text you, "Hey I'm sorry that I hurt you all this time. I'm stupid and selfish and bla.. bla..." Sounds familiar? And you go like, "YAYY~ He finally did realize!". But then, what? Does it really makes you happy that he feel bad? Well, you might did but I also believe that it won't last long. Why? Because the person is still the same. Blepp.... He just realize it and it doesn't mean that he will change. Ha-ha.

Let me tell you one secret girls! First of all, boys did not reciprocate things the way we girls did. They don't see things the way we did as well. Understand this and accept it. They're very ego. I believe that the first time you posted those things, and show signs that you felt miserable though you didn't say it, they already know it. Well, just in case this boy might be freaking insensitive, he might didn't, but yet, he's a boy, and he's ego and nobody can change that, not EVEN YOU! Even once he realize that he did wrong, he might feel bad, but that doesn't prove anything that he'll change.

I understand what you girls feel for the person that you really love. Once you are emotionally attached to a boy, you'll do ANYTHING to protect your relationship. But hey, is it worth it if the person does not appreciate it? You wasted so many days getting angry and he's insensitive. It's like he doesn't care! Well, if he's showing signs that he doesn't care, than he might just didn't care. So stop. People like that doesn't worth anything at all. Not your attention, not your affection, not your time, NOT YOUR ANYTHING! Girls, please. Pause a while and think about your self worth. Think about why you get hurt in the first place? It's because, you allow yourself to.

If a boy really care for you and are afraid to lose you, he'll come back to you in time. When things went wrong, just sit back and give him time to cool down his ego. He probably just need some space. Pushing him and keep nagging won't bring things anywhere. Sometimes, we girls are just afraid that during those intervals, what if he finds someone else? Well, if he did, he'll still come back to you once he understand your worth. By the way, you can't keep him away for yourself no matter how you try. He's still are going to see many girls everyday in school or just anywhere and it all depends on him on how he will react. Don't worry girls, they have their own brains. They know exactly who they love and who love them too. Its not like just by interacting with other girls in no matter what way, he will change just like that! Trust me, if you're nice enough and understand him well, nothing can change his feelings for you. But if you won't give him space, and keep nagging, he'll assume that you don't understand him and he'll probably been thinking that you're not the one. Scary?

No matter what you think or what your doubts and worries are, never show it. If you have that feelings that he must knows what you feels, then tell him directly! Don't play mind games. If you're mad at him for things that he did, then show it so that he won't repeat it. Boys hate mind games. Once they get tired, they'll quit and that's the end of it. It's kinda hard to change their mind after that.

But hey boys? Let me tell you one secret too! Not every girls gonna love you like truly love you that they'll do anything for you and keep accepting and push herself to understand you. Girls always have one person in their heart. If she felt miserable when things went wrong, that means you're the only person in the world that can make her feel that way. But hey, that can change too! And once girls change their mind, chase them like hell, and she won't come back. You know those phrase, "You don't give a shit, I won't too. Go to hell boy." , once girls are ready to say those lines, she really won't give a shit anymore.

Lastly, girls! Please never be desperate just about anything. You're too precious for that. I'm sure that you know that boys do not appreciate desperate girls. I don't know why, but they just don't. Never act! What you have to do, is keep everything simple. Showing that you love him by telling him and acting like so is more than enough. You are never wrong if you don't owe him anything. If he started to not to give a shit about your relationship anymore, ask him, and let him know how bad you feel in a polite and steady way. Not in an angry and accusing way! If he don't give a shit on that, then stop. Make it balance by waiting for him to respond to you first. Never let the effort comes from you only. There are no such things such as, "Hey, I see that you are not desperate enough so I won't give a shit unless you prove to me that you are desperate." If you have this kind of mentality and if its what keep pushing you to do this and that for the person, then, that person deserves to die. He shouldn't do that to the person he loves. And hey, this applies to boys too! 


Be certain on your own principles.

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